Pillow Talk: Feeling comfortable talking "sex" with your partner

By

Pillow Talk: Feeling comfortable talking "sex" with your partner
Have you grown so distant from your partner that sex seems awkward? Here's help to begin the talk.

The amount of patients I see that are unhappy with their sex lives is beyond what anyone could imagine. Many of these couples have been married for five, ten or twenty years and they report that they are awkward and dissatisfied with the type and frequency of sex they have. Our society leads us to believe that it is women, not men, who are more uncomfortable when talking about sex, but this isn’t true. Men are usually the ones who initiate counseling when they are feeling emotionally distressed about the sex in their relationship. Some of the discomfort comes from a sex life that has never been satisfying, and the person is afraid of hurting their partner by bringing it up. Couple often grow distant physically and became involved with their kids, personal interests, and work, and then stop having sex. Suddenly the kids are gone, their career goals have changed, they have more time, and they may find themselves sitting on the sofa with their spouse watching the news and wondering, “Is this all there is?” They miss the closeness, the excitement, and the pleasure sex brought them.


Books such as “The Sex Starved Marriage” offer advice and validation for the person who misses and wants sex, but has a partner unwilling to participate. However, what do you do when you have been an equal participant in letting your sex life grow stale, and find yourself wondering how to get it back? How do you approach your spouse to talk about this issue without them feeling criticized or overwhelmed when it has been a year or longer since you last had sex? Couples talk about sex frequently when dating and engaged. This conversation usually becomes less frequent the longer couples are married. Other issues such as buying a house, working, having kids, or decorating the house replace sex talk. This is unfortunate because keeping an open dialogue about sex, what you like, and how much your partner pleases you helps build a strong foundation for your marriage. Kids, houses, and work stress couples out and leads to anxiety. Sex decreases anxiety, depression, health issues and reportedly provides a sense of togetherness and well-being. This enhances a marriage and leads to marriage longevity.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Mary Jo Rapini

Counselor/Therapist

For more information go to: www.maryjorapini.com
Talk to me on my fan page: http://www.facebook.com/maryjorapini
Tweet me: @MaryJoRapini
Read my Love and Relationships Blog on Chron.com
Ask me questions on Fox26 in Houston, TX and watch every Thursday Morning at 9am for “Mind, Body, Soul with Mary Jo” and Friday Morning's at 8am for “Healthy Happy Hour with Mary Jo”

Location: Houston, TX
Credentials: LPC
Other Articles/News by Mary Jo Rapini:

Sleeping In The Nude: Does What You Wear To Bed Affect Intimacy?

By

A recent survey published by Cotton USA reveals that 57 percent of married couples who sleep nude report being happy with their partner. Roughly half of all couples do sleep nude and approximately half of those are over the age of 55. Is it the nudity itself helping couples feel happier with their partner or is the nudity symbolic for something deeper that ... Read more

5 Ways To Survive A Friend Unfriending You

By

A group of my colleagues and friends were talking about losing good friends. One of my friends' situations was a job promotion and a change of location. Her friend cut her off, didn't want to be her friend anymore, and un-friended her on Facebook, leaving her feeling confused and mistrusting. Had this person been a friend at all? Another friend told ... Read more

Fighting Fair Made Easy In Six Easy Steps

By

http://youtu.be/-_G4NpWgyNQ   The one area that most couples do not explore before they get married is "how to fight". It may seem derogatory, or somehow cynical to focus on how you will fight with each other when you are beginning a new life together, but nothing could be further from the truth. Learning to fight fair has health benefits as ... Read more

See More

GET MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN YOUR INBOX!

Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Stories we love
FROM AROUND THE WEB