Life after a divorce you didn't want

By

Life after a divorce you didn't want
If you are going through a divorce you didn't want, this article can help offer insights and comfort


A divorce in the best circumstances should be discussed for a long time before it happens. Seeking counseling, trying new ways to communicate, or a trial separation should all take place before the couple agrees that their marriage is over. Fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce, so joining a support group to help deal with the emotions in the aftermath, as well as counseling and mediation, can all make a divorce less painful for both spouses and their children. Although this is the way it should happen, in reality it usually doesn’t. One of the partners often falls in love with someone else. They feel so strongly that this person is their soul mate that they divorce their spouse, leave their home and their children to begin a new life with this new love. Debating the new love or how it happened, or even considering the marriage may have been dead for years and was just lingering are all possibilities, but the person left still grieves and mourns the end of their marriage.
This is a letter from one of my closest confidantes who is now six months from being the one left behind. This confidante had no idea this was coming their way, nor did they ever expect their marriage to end. This is their latest letter to me and six months have passed since they split.
Good morning, Mary Jo!
I met with my former spouse again last night after several weeks of only short phone conversations and I tried so hard not to let my emotions get out of hand, but I succeeded only partly. No touching on their part, only a brief pat on the shoulder when they left. In between, we discussed some of the legal things which need to be done now, but then I couldn't help but talk again about all the pain and the hurt I still feel inside because of the incomprehensible actions and ask again, "Why?” I long so much for the acknowledgement of my pain, my emotions, and to show some feelings maybe by saying something like, "I'm sorry and I hope you will feel better soon," and giving me a hug. But they refuse any sign of remorse or feeling toward me. "We talked about this a hundred times already."
I experienced two sleepless nights again. I need my energy to organize my papers for the tax return, for the divorce procedure, and for preparing my move. Instead, I feel sick to my heart and stomach and endlessly tired. I went to the opera last week. I heard a great concert last night after this meeting, but nothing seems to get through to my inner core. Six months have passed and I feel like it was yesterday. My head is still full of questions such as, “Where are they now?” and “What are they doing together?” I have lost so much of my social life, and I am sure the new partner triumphs when they show up at places where I use to stand at their side. Does my partner enjoy sex with the new person more than they did with me? Yes, I am sure they do. I am a prisoner of my thoughts. How will I ever learn to let go of my spouse and my marriage? Thank you, for listening.

My close confidante is actually right where they should be in the healing process of a divorce they didn’t want. There are a few things though, that may help with emotional healing for the next year and onward.

Article contributed by

Mary Jo Rapini

Counselor/Therapist

For more information go to: www.maryjorapini.com
Talk to me on my fan page: http://www.facebook.com/maryjorapini
Tweet me: @MaryJoRapini
Read my Love and Relationships Blog on Chron.com
Ask me questions on Fox26 in Houston, TX and watch every Thursday Morning at 9am for “Mind, Body, Soul with Mary Jo” and Friday Morning's at 8am for “Healthy Happy Hour with Mary Jo”

Location: Houston, TX
Credentials: LPC
Other Articles/News by Mary Jo Rapini:

A Soul Mate Isn't A Soul Mate Without These 4 Attributes

By

Time Magazine recently reported on a concept many of us have, "That good marriages and relationships are based on finding our soul mate or our perfect one." This expectation is shaped by society's focus on physical attraction and messages from our friends, family and our favorite television shows, none of which are actually true as far as having a ... Read more

6 Ways To Keep Your Marriage Hot When You Have Little Kids

By

Today's young families have pressures that families of long ago may not have had. Parents both work with the pressure of taking kids to school, lack of sleep, alternating who takes off sick time when their child gets sick and trying to excel in their own careers. Stress over time begins deteriorating marriage happiness, which is a leading cause of divorce ... Read more

Sleeping In The Nude: Does What You Wear To Bed Affect Intimacy?

By

A recent survey published by Cotton USA reveals that 57 percent of married couples who sleep nude report being happy with their partner. Roughly half of all couples do sleep nude and approximately half of those are over the age of 55. Is it the nudity itself helping couples feel happier with their partner or is the nudity symbolic for something deeper that ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular