The underlying problem in most relationships is lack of communication. This usually involves couples feeling like their partners don’t listen to them. Women seem to complain about this more than men. Women usually talk louder or begin to constantly remind the guy what they wanted him to hear (nagging). Women say “he tunes me out” or “when I talk to him he brings up something completely off topic”. It makes women feel devalued and often times they break up with their guy because they don’t think he cared enough to listen. This problem is complicated. Men are wired differently than women. They listen to content and react to information differently and have a difficult time listening to issues without trying to solve them.
If you are a woman, you cannot talk to your man like you do your girlfriends (if you feel like you can then your guy probably is a friend and not someone you are married to). It is also easier to communicate with your man before you are married and have not had sex. This is a time men are trying to be completely there for you and they want to be your friend as well as your lover. This is difficult work for men and they may be able to do it for a while, but they usually cannot sustain it. What do we do if we need our man to listen to us? Well here are a few quick tips to try. You may not have success with all of them, but one or two will work for sure.
Quick tips to help a guy hear you!
1. Be direct. Guys are use to listening as a means to solve problems. When guys talk to other guys they leave out the detail to get to the problem that needs solving. Women have a tendency to describe all the details. This is unnecessary and makes the story more difficult to follow.
2. Sit by your guy’s side. Men see face to face conversation as a threat or competition. Most guys sit side by side when they are talking. They avoid direct eye contact. This allows the guy to listen to the content better. Ever wonder why those car trips lead to great talks? You are sitting at his side. Face to face is more effective when you are intimate with him talking less and communicating with your eyes.
3. Let your guy know up front what you need. For example, if you need to vent give him a head’s up so he knows there will not be a solution you need from him. You just need him to listen as it makes you feel cared for.
For men think how you feel when you are talking to someone, but you know they are not really listening. They may smile, but their eyes are wandering or they look bored. Really listening to someone shows them they are important to you. If you have ideas for your girlfriend or wife that will help you listen to her more share them with her. This will add to the closeness of your relationship quicker than any other technique.-Mary Jo Rapini
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