When you find out while dating that your relationship is going to become a long distance relationship due to either one or both person’s jobs, which way do you run? If you run away from each other to deal with the stressors involved with re-locating, then you may not be so lucky. If you cannot stand the fact physical intimacy goes out the door while you’re living miles apart, maybe you need to revisit your definition of a committed relationship.
If you have trouble talking about what is important to you and your partner, then according to your outlook on life, you may or may not be lucky to have the honor and privilege of working a long distance relationship. Long-term relationships depend on good communication skills; sometimes more so than relationships where couples live within minutes of each other. Committed relationships depend on trust. To make a long distance relationship work there are two important factors: (1) understanding how men and women view the point of communication, and (2) what commitment and trust really mean, i.e. the “hard work” required to make the relationship successful.
If you’re in the beginning of a relationship, and there is a possibility that this is THE RELATIONSHIP…in some aspects you speed up the selection process when the relationship either starts or goes into the long-distance category. While long-distance slows down physical intimacy, it is also a great test to how committed both people are in the relationship to making it work.
To make a committed long distance relationship successful you have to first have the perspective that the relationship itself is there to strengthen you as an individual, but it is also there and attention must be paid to the relationship itself if it is to work out.
1. Understanding How Men & Women View Communication
While on the phone there are two things to know about men and women. Men tend to communicate when they need to solve a problem. Women tend to view communicating as a way to connect and nurture.
Therefore, when men hear their women going through life talking about their day how stressful it is or relationship problems—men are wired to solve the problem and move on. It is essential to establish she is just talking about her day, and she doesn’t need any problems solved, she just needs him to listen and say “mm-hmm, really, oh.” Ladies, remember the quality of what you talk about over quantity. Girlfriends are there for a purpose, and do not use all of your time with your boyfriend venting. You’ll kill the relationship! And, when she gets to the end of going through her day, and asks him how things are going, if his reply is “good.” Leave it at that. He does not have any problems to be solved, and he is only going to tend to talk about anything bothering him if he has already solved the problem in his head. This is just the way our brains are wired. All of Dr. John Gray’s books deal specifically with the way men and women communicate differently. Reading them together is a fun way to more fully grow your relationship!
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