ProConnect

How to Date With Confidence

By

How to Date With Confidence

Often women meet men to whom they are attracted, yet seem to “freeze” when the man shows he is interested. It’s not that she doesn’t know how to flirt, she has done her “flirt” thing effectively, but when, in fact, Mr. Available moves forward and reciprocates, she feels awkward, uncomfortable and confused.

There are a variety of possible feelings to consider that maybe be at the cause of the “freeze” including:

More from YourTango: 5 Foolproof Ways to Get Out of the Friend Zone

1. The Limiting Belief that he wants her “only for sex,” which causes her to pull-away and activates any residual baggage regarding men, her worth or her inability to say, “no.”

2. The fear that she will now have to keep him interested, and she is unsure or lacks confidence on her ability to be successful.

3. She is filled with self doubt, and is thus too scared to explore the possibility of dating, having to set appropriate boundaries, or get engaged in something that at some point could include rejection, hurt, or failure. As a result of these fears, limiting beliefs, assumptions and interpretations, the woman will then just do the “safe” move which is mumble something halfheartedly, pay her bill, pick up her groceries, or turn away to go meet her friends.

Either way, the end result is that when we go towards the border of the reality we currently know, a border which may not be the desired outcome yet is frighteningly comfortable, we choose to engage in the “old” behaviors.

In order to move forward, it becomes clear that one must ultimately choose to take a risk and explore the new possibilities of dating without hauling the baggage, fears, and pain from the past into the present. In order to choose to take a risk and continue the flirtation you can simply look at what is “at stake” and then understand what “pain” you will have to endure to get to the long-term gain — a relationship.

Here’s how:

More from YourTango: 8 First Date Tips You Need To Know

1. What is the “Pain” of the current situation? Make a list. Describe, in detail, what the results are from not taking the risk. How do you feel when you “freeze?” What happens to your confidence, your self-esteem, and your feelings of empowerment and joy when you turn off and walk away?

2. Create a 2nd list describing what you would “Gain” if you were to move past your fear, to ultimately experience the love and partnership you desire. Go deep with this list and ask yourself why these benefits are important to you. For example, writing simply “to have a relationship” is important, but asking yourself the specific benefits of being in this relationship are critical to this process. For example, you could add to the list such details as, “I would feel seen,” ”I would feel love and experience intimacy,” “I would be cherished and adored,” ”I would have someone who knew and accepted me– the good and bad.”

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Recent Expert Posts
deep breath

Should I stay or Should i go? 5 Ways To Make The Best Decision

Are you confused about staying or going in a relationship? Read on...

shame

How to Get Over Your Stinkin' Thinkin'

Recognize "Stinkin Thinkin" that leads to depression and turn it into positive action and success.

valentines-flowers-surprise

Why Breakups Hurt

Breakups hurt us even when there is no love lost.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS