Is he the ONE?
With the end of 2015 looming, it’s time for New Year’s resolutions and new beginnings. It might also be the perfect time to set some goals for your love life, and learn how to identify the kind of man you want to date. I like to call him "Mr. Boyfriend Material."
Like you, Mr. Boyfriend Material dates with dignity and is interested in finding someone confident, independent, and has the skills necessary to communicate.
The ability to understand and respect Mr. Boyfriend Material is vital because he won’t put up with your crap. He won’t let you “sulk” or manipulate him with your tears. He expects you to communicate your needs, have boundaries, express your expectations directly, and allow him to engage in activities that fulfill the essence of who he is.
There are few key signs to look for to know if the guy you are dating is Mr. Boyfriend Material:
1. He can support himself AND provide for you
A guy is typically most confident, secure, and ready to be in an exclusive long-term relationship when he feels “settled.” He's spent time building his career and has the time available to invest in your relationship. He's financially secure.
Remember, men who are not in this place in life are still worth dating; they're just not likely to be good candidates for a long-term partnership. If you're dating someone who's just starting to climb the ladder to emotional and financial security, you'll likely need to be extremely patient as he moves through these phases of manhood.
2. He does what he says he'll do — every single time
A man who is capable of a long-term relationship has integrity, and as a result his words and actions match. He calls when he says he will call. He follows through on the promises he makes.
This is one of the most crucial signs a man is boyfriend material. If his words and actions match consistently, it's clear he's ready to play in the big leagues.
3. He's done playing stupid games
He doesn’t apply the “Three-Day Rule” to the women he dates, wait twenty-four hours before returning your phone call, or “vanish” to draw you into his world. When he's interested in pursuing you, he'll just DO it.
Conversely, if you play games with Mr. Boyfriend Material, he'll politely decline the opportunity to get to know you and probably dismiss you as immature. Be gracious, kind and authentic, because Mr. Boyfriend Material is attracted to a confident woman who, like him, is past playing games.
4. He knows how to express his feelings directly
Mr. Boyfriend Material will not manipulate you with silence, or criticize or judge you. When he has a need, or feels like he must discuss something pertaining to your relationship, he doesn't hesitate to bring it up.
He's also honest in telling you when he needs to spend time with his friends, needs to work or wants to go to the gym (by himself). He expects you to respect his needs and not see his independence as rejection.
5. He's single
This one may seem like a no-brainer, but it’s worth mentioning that a man who's worth your time is NOT already in a relationship or going through a divorce. As a part of him being single, he is emotionally available to pursue a relationship with you. He doesn't need to hide you until the divorce is final, “call you later” under the guise of running an errand, or meet you in a hotel, his art studio, or at your place because he hasn’t yet moved out of the home he shares with his partner.
6. He does not expect any kind of physical intimacy sooner than you are ready
While Mr. Boyfriend Material finds you incredibly attractive, he doesn't expect you to kiss him at the end of the first or second date, and he doesn't expect you to have sex with him until the time is right, once you two have gotten to know each other and determined that you’d like to advance your relationship to the next level.
What’s more, if he does prefer physical intimacy early on (say, after the third date, for instance), he won’t mind if you refuse. In fact, he'll most likely apologize, respect you immensely and be impressed by your self-respect, dating dignity, and confidence — all huge turn-ons.
In short, Mr. Boyfriend Material is confident, mature, unafraid of vulnerability and feels comfortable with commitment. Sex is not his primary motive and he certainly doesn't expect you to sleep with him until you're ready — whether that is in three months, six months, or maybe even waiting until you're married.
Mr. Boyfriend Material is seeking an interdependent relationship with a confident woman who wants the same. He may not be someone you encounter often, but when you do, knowing about these qualities will help you recognize him.
If you don’t settle for anything less than Mr. Boyfriend Material, you have the potential for a great relationship that can fulfill you, bring you happiness, and meet your needs.
Marni Battista, founder of Dating with Dignity and a Master Practitioner at administering an Energy Assessment. You can learn more about Marni and her programs and services by visiting her website here.