I got a call from my girlfriend Lena the other day. She was down in the dumps over a guy she met on the Internet. She and Brad had been dating for a month. Things seemed to heat up quite quickly. They had been intimate sexually and were also planning a weekend trip together. Lena was absolutely smitten. They had so much in common and she found him easy to talk to and loved spending time with him.
One day during a phone conversation, Brad told her a detailed story about his plans for the next night. Something about working late, and then dropping something off for a friend, etc. A week later, Lena was at Brad's house and noticed a restaurant receipt sitting on the table. "Honestly, I wasn't snooping," she said. "I picked it up and looked at it. It was dated the night he was supposed to work late. He was in Manhattan, not in Jersey like he said he would be. He was on a date with someone else!"
Lena confronted Brad about it and asked him why he lied. "Why didn't you just say you were busy, or not say anything rather than making up an elaborate story?" Brad explained that since they weren't exclusive, he wanted to see other people but didn't want to hurt her feelings. Lena felt betrayed more by the lie than the fact that he had a date with someone else. Brad still wanted to see Lena, but she couldn't get over the lie. How could she ever trust him again?
"If I had not seen that receipt, we would have gone on the weekend trip together. He would have continued to see me. I just assumed that we were exclusive. I mean we had such an amazing time together, why would he want to see anyone else? What does she have that I don't? And why did he lie?"
My heart went out to Lena. I had been there myself. I remember a particular "relationship" I had with a guy when I lived in Chicago. Mike and I saw each other often, he called everyday and even had a key to my apartment. Sometimes, he would come by my place when I was at work to walk my dog for me. I thought we were in an exclusive relationship. One day I brought up the subject and asked him where he thought our relationship was going.
"Oh, you're not my girlfriend," he said, "I'm not ready for a girlfriend!" After closing my mouth that had involuntarily dropped open, I sat in silence taking it all in while he kissed me on the cheek and walked out the door. Three months later, I saw him at a party on New Years Eve with his fiancée. Realizing who I was, she proudly shoved her left hand in my face showing off her engagement ring. Keep reading ...
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