Is Chemistry To Blame For Bad Choices In A Mate?


Is Chemistry To Blame For Bad Choices In A Mate?
Women sometimes make bad choices in dating. Hormones are often the culprit.

Finding our perfect mate involves chemistry. But it’s a complex equation! If I could go into a laboratory and invent a powder called “romantic chemistry” that I could sprinkle around to make people fall for each other, I would be famous. Not to mention rich! It’s a total mystery why people are attracted to one person and not another. Why do I feel the “chemistry” to kiss my husband but couldn’t imagine kissing his equally attractive friend? Even with platonic friendships, we tend to gravitate more to certain people in a group setting, while others turn us off. Thus, we want to vibrationally pull into our experience only those fabulous souls with whom we have electrifying chemistry!

When it comes to chemistry, there is the conscious part and the unconscious part. For instance, there are certain things that most people find attractive. Men tend to be attracted to features that suggest youth and fertility—often an ample bust, a slim body, and soft facial features. Women tend to be drawn to tall men with broad shoulders and masculine features. They also like men who appear to have wealth or the ability to acquire it because they want to feel as if the man can support the family. Everyone has their own taste, but biology has a lot to do with what we find attractive. This unconscious part, which we call “chemistry,” is actually pheromones. A pheromone is any chemical produced by a living organism that transmits a message to other members of the same species.

There are three stages of falling in love. First, there is lust. It is driven by our sex hormones: testosterone and estrogen. Then there is attraction, I like to call it the lovesick phase, during which you can’t eat, can’t sleep, and it feels like you have butterflies in your stomach. You are falling in love, caused by a surge of dopamine,
norepinephrine and serotonin. The third stage of falling in love is attachment, which keeps couples together. But this is where it gets dangerous for women. Do you ever wonder why, after making out or making love with someone new, you immediately want to be in an exclusive relationship with him? Perhaps you even think you are in love with him! It’s because the chemicals oxytocin and vasopressin cause you to “attach” and want to “nest,” which can cause us to make really bad choices in men. Nature makes sure that we attach to the male long enough to stick around to get pregnant. We can even know in our head that the guy is not right, but we suddenly feel attached and wonder why he’s not calling. We are checking our voice mail, e-mail, Blackberry, waiting for his call. So ladies.....  be aware of and beware the oxytocin. It could ruin your life!”

Article contributed by

Marla Martenson


Marla Martenson, matchmaker & author of Diary of a Beverly Hills Matchmaker

Location: Los Angeles, CA
Credentials: Other
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