Don't let negative self-talk dictate how you feel about being single.
Valentine's day is looming. And for some it's a day full of candles and romanitc cards but for others it can exacerbate the feeling of loneliness and insecurity. This article is for you if you find yourself alone on that day and wishing you weren't, with some reminders for you that there is light at the end of the tunnel. In fact, the light is already here.
Have you ever stopped to question what is really creating the feelings of insecurity and sadness on this particular day? Below are just some ways to get in touch with what is really bothering you. It will will help you see your situation from a different perspective and dispell the myths and false beliefs that are probably driving you crazy.
When I see clients who are stressed out because they don't have someone in their life and they feel lonely, it's usually because they believe at least one of these five myths.
MTYH 1: You are feeling lonely because you are single.
This used to happen to me. I used to think that the feelings of loneliness that I felt on Valentine's Day were because I was single. I associated being single with having something wrong with me. I often see clients fall into this same trap! But it's not true.
There is nothing wrong with you and the feelings you are feeling are not coming from being single — they are coming from your illusory thinking in that moment. The feelings (although it may well look this way) are not coming from your situation and are not telling you about it either. They are just pointing to the fact that you are not seeing your situation for what it is.
Remember: A feeling of peace and clarity is your innate state of wellbeing — anything else is just an illusion.
MYTH 2: Being in a relationship is better than not being in a relationship.
I used to think this way, too. The grass always seems greener when you are not in it, right? Well, the grass is never greener on the other side — it's just different grass. Being in a relationship will just have as many ups and downs as being single. They will just be different ups and downs.
Besides, the highs and lows of your life are all based on what you are thinking at that moment and based on the fact that we really don't know what thought we will think next. It's just a trick of the mind that convince you that you will be happier in a relationship.
Remember, truly think about whether you'll be happier.
MYTH 3: Couples are happier than you are.
Comparing your happiness to the happiness of the couples you see can send you on a spiral. I know this because I see my clients do it. I've even done it myself. But what this comparison is saying is this: "I want to feel the way they look!" But how do you know how they really feel? They may well LOOK happy but are they really? Unless you ask them, you wont know. And besides, happiness is in constant with their thoughts in the moment. And these change all the time!
Being in a relationship, I know that one minute we can be in harmony and the next moment is gone and this is based on insecure thinking that might have shown up in the moment.
Remember, don't fall for the snapshot!
MYTH 4: Life would be better if you were in a relationship.
Thinking life would be better if you were in a relationship is saying that once you're paired up, your life will be fine, fulfilled or amazing. Well, the truth is that when you are thinking this, you haven't even left your seat. How do you know it would be better? The very nature of thinking this way implies that life isn't so great where you are, which is not true. Your thinking in the moment will dictate whether your life is great or not — as life just is.
A relationship cannot make you feel anything. There is nothing outside of you that can make you feel happier or sadder. It may well look that way, but the only thing that will only ever create a feeling inside of you will be what is creating your experience in the moment — your thinking.
Remember, there is nowhere to get to as there is only NOW!
MYTH 5: There must be something wrong with you since you are single.
There is nothing wrong with you. I often hear "what's wrong with me? Why am I single?" I am not sure who created this false premise but it definitely doesn't hold true. Why would there be anything wrong with you, just becuase you are single?
The very notion that there is something "less wrong with you" if you were in a relationship is just a simple misunderstanding. To think that by just being in a relationship you will feel better about yourself is like wanting to quench a thirst that is unquenchable. You cannot get a feeling from outside of you. It doesn't work that way and it never well.
Remember: Feelings are an inside job.
The lesson? Don't talk down to yourself just because you are single. It's a myth that you will be complete once you find a relationship. So instead of being sad on Valentine's Day, shower yourself with love and call it a day!
To invite a sense of wellbeing and dissolve your Valentines Blues, download your very own copy of my free ebook: The 7 Mistakes That Guarantee More Stress & Confusion.
More life coach advice on YourTango:
- Tap Into Success, Confidence & More With A Life Coach
- Why Do I Need A Life Coach?
- What Do Women Want?