You will only find love when you face the truth and fix what's broken.
It’s not just the politicians who use political correctness to our detriment; it is many dating coaches and matchmakers as well.
We've become so sensitive to everything that may sound offensive that we're willing to listen to every piece of sugar-coated nonsense that will offer us a quick fix to whatever ails us — as long as it's presented in its shiny, politically correct packaging that does not take us out of our comfort zone.
Here's an example: an article I came across had a catchy title, “How To Make Yourself Irresistible.” Of course I opened it. How could I not? Here was a piece of information promising to cure everyone’s loneliness with just a few short paragraphs.
Boy, was I disappointed when I found the following pearls of wisdom listed as my path to everlasting love:
- Love yourself.
- Be grateful.
- Be honest.
- Learn to listen.
- Understand the big picture.
Seriously?! All these are good and well when you're working on improving yourself. Absolutely. But will these steps make you irresistible when trying to attract a mate? Good luck with that!
Honestly, if a woman wants men to find her irresistible, she needs to start with a pair of high heels, a sexy dress and the ability to act seductive without giving away too much (and yes, seduction DOES include the art of conversation). Similarly, for women to find a man irresistible, a guy needs a sharp outfit complimented by self-confidence and charisma (not necessarily in that order).
Why can’t all dating coaches and matchmakers tell their clients just that? We've become a sterilized society that's afraid to state plain truth at the risk of being offensive.
The result? A lot of disillusioned, lonely people who can’t understand why they can’t find a mate. Instead of telling a woman that she needs to lose some weight in order to attract the caliber of man who pays a lot of money for matchmaking services, we tell her that she needs to love the body she’s in. The consequences of that are many disappointing dates that lead her right back to lonely Friday nights spent in front of the TV.
And forget about telling a guy that he looks like a slob and repels women with his creepy pickup lines! Nope! We tell him that there's a woman for him out there if he has patience and learns to love himself. I don’t read too many articles telling men to hit the gym and learn some etiquette. That would just hurt the men’s feelings!
I met a woman the other day (let’s call her Lisa) who was complaining about a matchmaker to whom she paid a pretty penny. The matchmaker promised her the world and, true to her promise, sent her on as many as sixteen dates in only two months!
So what’s the problem? The problem is that none of the sixteen first dates had a follow up. Not even a promise of one. The truth is Lisa was quite overweight, very homey and withdrawn. But why would a matchmaker tell her that when Lisa was willing to pay?
The hope was that if the matchmaker just kept throwing enough crap against the wall, some of it would eventually stick. Guess what? None of it did, except the money that Lisa paid. That was securely stuck to the matchmaker’s bank account.
Nor did the matchmaker ever explain to Lisa why men did not like her. She just kept telling her that Mr. Right is out there. And I agree, he is! But unless Lisa does something to improve her appearance and approach to men, he won't notice her. He will just keep on walking until another woman who's prettier, thinner and younger catches his attention.
Cruel? Perhaps. But nobody said the world is an easy place to navigate. Sometimes we have to face the truth, no matter how painful, in order to navigate it successfully.
The truth is, I'm not so sure that being honest with someone is any more cruel than feeding them a large dose of political correctness that results in nothing more than disappointment and frustration. Is it not better to honestly set one’s expectation by telling them that until they fix a few things about themselves they will continue feeling dissatisfied?
I want to make this clear; I'm not advocating insulting anyone by calling them fat slobs or creepy old men. There's more than one way to present the truth, and you can do it gently. However, it's only when we present the truth at all that we offer our clients the choice to do something about it: let us help them or continue doing nothing … and blame the world for their failures.
Tired of dancing around the issues? Want to find love? Then check out my website at www.nysocials.com.