How To Change Your Online Dating Profile From Blah To HOT DAMN!

hot girl

You put a lot of effort into your profile, but the men aren't biting. You're doing THIS wrong.

Writing dating profiles is never easy. Hell, who am I kidding? It's a thousand times more difficult than putting together a professional resume. We usually have a pretty good idea what employers are looking for, but potential mates? No clue.

I normally hate generalizing, especially when it comes to sexes; however, having read thousands of profiles on dating sites over the years, I have to say that the ladies lose miserably.

Not that I think one gender is smarter than the other; it's just that men are normally more reserved and tend to reveal less information. Ladies, on the other hand, have the need to let it all hang out, even the parts that should remained shoved deep, deep inside.

Here's an example:

  • Q: What are your hobbies or interests?
  • A: "Shopping and going to salons, finding a new job ... "

Seriously? Going to salons? Which guy wouldn't want a girlfriend whose hobby is going to salons? Curiously enough, I've noticed that more women list shopping as a hobby than any other interest.

Ladies, since when is shopping a hobby? Imagine you're a man reading this. The only thing you're thinking is that you will end up in a poorhouse very quickly trying to support this woman's hobbies.

Another news flash: listing "finding a new job" as a "hobby" means it is an ongoing and never-ending undertaking (and that you're unemployed often). Combine that with your interests in beauty and spending money and, unless the man reading it is Warren Buffet, your profile is in the junk mail folder really quick.

Another example:

  • Q: What are your hobbies or interests?
  • A: "Going out with friends."

Well, the good news here is that you're not shopping. The bad news is that going out with friends is not a hobby, nor an interest. It is a recreation. It may, however, cost just as much as frequenting beauty salons or shopping. See above.

So, what should you say in your online dating profile?

First and foremost, take the time to take inventory of your interests. Do you like a good book every now and then? Yes, sleazy romance novels count. Reading is one of your hobbies. Like the movies? Cinema is one of your interests.

Examine the shopping and salon example above. For all we know, the woman is a fashion buyer or a beauty editor. Does it come through in her profile? Change shopping and going to salons to "interests in fashion and beauty", and (voila!) you appear like an individual with a purpose, instead of a money-wasting airhead.

Similarly, how much better it would sound if you stated that your favorite pastime is spending an evening in a company of good friends? See the difference? "Going out with friends" could be potentially dangerous—clubbing, spending money, getting drunk, and getting into trouble. "Spending time in company of good friends"—appreciates friendship, down to earth, mature.

Here is another example:

  • Q: Describe yourself and your personality.
  • A: "I'd describe myself as very pretty, attractive inside and outside, kind, honest and smart. I can keep any conversation."

Wow. Where do I begin here? Humility is clearly not one of her traits. Describing yourself as smart is an oxymoron. If you were truly smart you would understand that describing yourself as such is a contradiction.

Pronouncing yourself as "pretty and attractive inside and outside" not only screams narcissistic, but also boastful and arrogant. This is yet another reason for any normal guy to delete this profile immediately and be thankful that he only escaped with a brief scare.

What is the #1 rule of dating profiles? Never, EVER, pronounce yourself as smart or pretty. Let others judge that.

What should this woman have said? How's this: "I am an honest person who does not shy away from any conversation. I genuinely feel happy when I can help others and welcome opportunities to volunteer for numerous charitable organization." Boom! You just went from a conceited b*tch to Mother Teresa in one sentence.

That brings me to yet another question where women fail miserably: What are you looking for in a partner?

When asked the question, women anwer with such brutal honesty that I'm forced to question some of their self-descriptions as "smart" and "intelligent."

Here are some of my favorites:

  • Q: What qualities are most important to you in a man?
  • A: "Wealth."
  • A: "Honest, generous, must have a car."
  • A: "Any man I meet must be forgiving."

Ladies, ladies, ladies! Think what that says about you. Better yet, think what the man reading it thinks about you, as he imagines himself working all his life to support a dimwitted narcissistic beach-bum shopaholic who only loves him for his money.

Here, once again, there are so many better ways to re-assess your desirable qualities in a potential mate.

Take a look at the same answers below and the suggestions of better ways to phrase them:

  • Q: What qualities are most important to you in a man?
  • A: Wealth. ➔ replace with "Success"
  • A: Generosity ➔ replace with "Kindness"
  • A: Honest, generous, must have a car ➔ replace with "Honesty, kindness, independence."
  • A: Any man I meet must be forgiving ➔ replace with "I admire a man who is sympathetic and magnanimous."

To be sure, it is very important you are honest in your dating profile. After all, it would be very difficult for you to keep up with the character you invented in the real world.

There is more than one way of saying and writing things. Just like your professional resume is represents your best professional self, your dating profile should represent the best side of you—the one that will attract a potential mate, not repel him.

So, the next time you post an online dating profile or fill out a matchmaker's questionnaire, please stop and think. What does your profile say about you? Would you want to go out with you after reading it?

Marina Margulis is a professional matchmaker and dating coach who has helped many people attract love and form relationships. If your dating profile needs help, feel free to contact her at or see the other services she offers at


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