"What's wrong with me? I am pretty, intelligent and accomplished. Guys should be more than happy to get a date with me!"
If only I had a nickel for every time I hear that phrase or a variation thereof. This cry for help usually comes from a woman who is, indeed, beautiful and intelligent. On the surface, she appears a total package. Yet there is something about her that turns men off after only a few dates. So what does she do? She turns to her girlfriends for solace. Of course, the girlfriends assure her that she is the fairest of them all and the guy was just a fool and did not know what's good for him. Until the next guy comes around and after one or two dates she receives the usual "I'm sorry to say..." text. Then comes the girlfriends' reassurance again and the cycle continues.
Ladies, the best way to find out what's wrong is to ask a guy (your father does not count). Better yet, why not get opinions from many guys? As a dating coach and a matchmaker, I have heard many stories of why men choose to opt out of second dates. So buckle your seatbelts, ladies: here are the biggest turnoffs in women on dates as related to me by men.
- BOSSINESS: Bossiness encompasses many attributes that men perceive as manly — competitive, argumentative, aggressive, controlling, etc. Frankly, these scare the pants out of the men. To be sure, I am not saying to bring out the Stepford Wife in you. Just try to be more of a woman and less of a 'the man in charge.' Remember: you are not applying for a job or interviewing for one. This is a date where you are looking to find a romantic partner — emphasis on ROMANTIC.
- NOT SMILING: No guy wants to be with a woman who looks like she is carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. Guys like to be with women who are happy and content. Smiling shows you are ready to take on the world.
- CALLING HIM PET NAMES: He has a name. Chances are, it is not 'honey' or 'sweetie.' Similarly, if he tells you his name is Don, it is not Donny. Calling him pet names on a date implies too much familiarity too soon. It is also emasculating and embarrassing.
- WEARING TOO MUCH MAKEUP: What girl does not like makeup, right? However, there are times when too much is too much. Before leaving the house, examine your face in a magnifying mirror. Does it look like it's covered by a mask? Can you actually see layers of foundation and powder? Are your eyelashes leaving black marks on your forehead? While many guys appreciate red lips, not too many are keen on bright rouge or blue eye shadow. So even if you have to spend a lot of time on your makeup, just make sure the end result looks easy and effortless.
- BEHAVING LIKE A SPOILED PRINCESS: Let the man become your knight in shining armor — on his terms and in his time. If you whine about minor nuances like having to walk an extra block from the garage to the restaurant or getting two olives in your martini instead of three, instead of rescuing you, your would-be-knight-in-shining-armor will quickly gallop away!
- EXCESSIVE SWEARING: We all drop an occasional F-bomb now and then and that's fine. What's not fine, however, is when more than half of your lexicon is peppered with swear words. Men are attracted to ladies — not construction workers in stilettos.
- PESSIMISM /CYNISISM: Bad attitude is never attractive. Remember, you are on a date with your potential husband. Does he want to spend the rest of his life with Debbie Downer? Most likely not. Would you?
- BORING: You do not need to be a rocket scientist or a brain surgeon. However, you do need to be able to hold up a conversation. Keep in mind that most likely your date is not interested in the great shoe sale you discovered or the latest trend in nail polish. So before setting out on your date, ensure you have something interesting to say. It may be helpful to go through the current news headlines. This way if the conversation slows, you can always fall back on current events.
- TOO DESPERATE: Monitor the number of times you text or call your date before it happens. If it's too frequent — that date may never happen at all. Guys do not like girls that seem needy and clingy. Texting or calling too often will give off a clear signal of both. If you have the need to text him that often even before you are in a relationship, he would hate to think what will happen once you're a couple!
- NON OPINIONATED: Yes, ladies, even though gentlemen do not like argumentative dates, they dislike non-opinionated women just as much. You don't have to mimic him in his choice of dinner entrees or tell him that whatever he chooses to do is fine with you. The truth is, you do have preference and everything he chooses may not agree with you. Men appreciate women who clearly state their opinions without being adversarial. It is perfectly fine to say: "I prefer not to share the appetizer," or "why don't we go for a walk instead of the movies," as long as it is said with a smile and an amicable attitude.
- EASY: This does not refer to sex only. Remember: we all desire things we cannot attain. If you reveal everything at once, what else does he have to look forward to? Men want to discover you piece by piece as the relationship progresses. If all your secrets divulged on the first date, the feeling of chase and anticipation evaporates. To keep the relationship interesting and desirable, you always want to leave a bit of mystery about you.
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