Should You Win Him Back Or Let Him Go?

Contributor
Heartbreak

Desperately beg him to come back to you or just wait to see if he comes back on his own?

That vulture came into your life and stole your man. You knew she wanted him the moment she layed her eyes on him. What could you do? You thought you could trust your man, right? That he would never leave you for her and break the special bond that you shared, but that just didn't seem to happen. Now, you sit wondering what happened — your relationship has come to an end and it's all because of that snake who slithered her way into your man's pants. 

Who's to Blame?

So who should we blame in this situation? Should we blame your man, or the Queen B who decided that your man was free for the taking, or both? Well, if you think about it, the woman didn't do anything but entice him and your man fell right into her trap. 

Unfortunately, that means your man is at fault. He wasn't able to say, "No, I'm really not interested in you because I've already been trapped by the love of my life." This is not to say that he doesn't love you. He probably loves you to death. It just means that her snake venom clouded his judgement — but see, he allowed her to bite him. 

Your man is probably a really nice guy. He is friendly, likes to meet people and is easy going. Well, as soon as he started talking to her (which is normal for him — not flirting), she took advantage of that. He went wrong by not understanding that some people take that the wrong way and take that as flirting, and that is when she infected him with her venom. 

He, of course, was still not completely incompetent to end the infatuation process. He could of at any time said, "I don't want you."

Now What?

So what's done is done — he's been captured by the village whore and he's with her. Now, what do you do. Do you go play the game and try to win him back using the same tactics or do you just let him go?

Think about what happens if you get on your hands and knees to beg for him back. 

You tell him how much you love him and how much he loves you. You remind him of how much history you have together. Remind him of all the special moments you shared and you might even bring out the tears. All of sudden you see the guilt come over his face and he decides to come back to you

Now, is he coming back to you because he loves you or because he is guilty? Will guilt make him happy? Are you happy because he came back because he is guilty or would you rather have him back because he loves you?

Of course, you could sit there and think, "Well, I could just show him that he really loves me and not that whore he is with ..." However, it's extremely difficult to do this when someone is infatuated.

What It Means to Be Infatuated

Infatuation is powerful, which is why it ends relationships so easily. It affects people emotionally, physically and mentally. Someone who is infatuated will feel deeply in love with someone. They will experience physiological responses to the heightened emotions such as increased libido, heart rate, and blood pressure. They will also mentally believe that they truly love the person. They believe that this is the person they want to be with for the rest of their life. 

Waiting for the the Let Down

The venom is short-lived, which means infatuation is short-lived. Your man will soon realize that this other women isn't everything he thought she was and he'll realize he made a huge mistake. 

The good news is that, if you'll have him, he will probably come running back to you with a renewed sense of appreciation for you. He'll realize how much he really does love you and even though he will have the guilt for what he did to you, he will also have the great love for you that you wouldn't of had if you had pulled him from his "true love."

The Decision to Take Him Back

It's a difficult decision to take him back after he's cheated. You'll have a long road of recovery after infidelity. He's hurt you and while you're happy that he's chosen you over her, in the end, he still chose her over you at one time and that takes time to heal from as well as a lot of emotion and mental work. Give yourself time to heal and he should also give you time to heal. He will also need to recover from the devastation he has caused to the relationship.

A tornado has just went through your relationship, taken your husband away, and now your husband is back. Now you'll have to start grieving, cleaning up, and building a new relationship from the reckage. 

Author
Contributor

Explore YourTango