All women have met creeps like Jake Gyllenhaal's character in the Oscar nominated Nightcrawler.
The character in Nightcrawler was weird enough to give the creeps to any woman who watched the movie. Many of us have met people who remind us of Lou Dobbs, Jake Gyllenhaal’s character. I’ve met so many I felt compelled to write about my experiences with these kind of people.
Lou is a loser by almost anyone’s standards. At the beginning of the movie he steals to make a living and has very modest living quarters. At one point he even attacks a security guard to steal his watch. This guy has no remorse and no boundaries when it comes to doing whatever he can to try to get ahead.
He’s an intelligent person who is quick to learn and absorbs many self-help type materials. Often times he repeats the material he has heard and you can tell he really believes he is the grandiose being that he tells everyone he is; one of the tell tale signs of a Narcissist.
Lou regularly seeks to exploit and use others without remorse to improve his financial position, another example of a Narcissist. Finally his lack of empathy and concern for others when he comes across an accident scene before the police and ambulance. He simply ignores the fact that people were laying their dying and instead of helping them, he moves their bodies to a more convenient location in order to get a great shot with his video camera so he could turn around and sell the footage.
As a Matchmaker, I meet a ton of people. Anyone can join our free network/rolodex of singles by filling out a simple form on our website. As anyone who has tried online dating knows, people can say they’re whoever they want. It’s not until you meet them that you find out who they really are and what their personality is like. After all people can say whatever they want online. That is why our clients hire us to weed through all these people and find the right one for them. They don’t want to waste their time and energy online to find out the person they’re out on a date with is a Narcissist or has other odd tendencies.
As a Matchmaker, we have to be careful of who we meet and work with and who we accept as clients. I am not a Psychologist so I have to be diligent when I get to know my clients and other people I encounter to ensure they are OK for me to work with.
I often meet people who seem off and exhibit much of the same kinds of behaviors as Lou Dobbs. Many times they want to hire me to find their match and one of the hardest conversations I ever had was with someone I think may have had some sort of Asbergers or on the Autistic scale. He was unable to “read into” what I was saying when I told him I did not think I could help him and that I thought he should work with a Therapist who I knew specialized with people with Asbergers.
Another such encounter recently was with a Financial Advisor who I met at a business networking event. He insisted on meeting to “network” and after numerous requests I finally agreed to meet him for coffee. The morning of the meeting I was jam packed full with meetings, and it just was not a priority to me because my team already “networked” with other people in his office and quite frankly I was not sure I wanted to refer anyone to him. I cancelled the meeting with him and he then called me and others on my team no less than 5 times requesting to meet again and insisting that he just wanted to help. We ignored him and he obviously couldn’t take a hint and kept pursuing.
Finally he left a negative review of the company on Yelp and Google+. It was at this point that I realized just how disillusioned this guy was. It reminded me of when Lou told Rene Russo’s character, Nina, he expected her to sleep with him or he’d hurt her business. This guy was essentially doing the same thing, but instead of sex he wanted my business and the business of people I know. He ended up taking the post down the next day and I called his boss to let him know.
These are the kinds of things not only Matchmakers and Dating Coaches deal with on a regular basis, but all women. It’s important to be careful and aware of the different kind of people out there. We can’t be naive, because you never know when you’ll meet a Lou Dobbs dressed as Jake Gyllenhaal.