One of the greatest gifts of being a coach, is to see people’s lives transform before your eyes, and to know that in some way, small or large, you played a role in that occurring.
Over the last two weeks, I’ve been blessed to have three clients (one former, two current) who were wanting to create “luscious life partnership” in their lives, have it come to fruition and are now engaged to be married.
Three women, one in their 30’s, one in their 40’s and one in her 50’s; all smart, savvy and successful women creating what they want and need in a relationship.
While all the fanfare of planning a wedding, rings, etc. is exciting, the real gift is the excitement of the next chapter of building their lives together, and all the growth that they’ve gone through in the process.
Kierkegard said, “Life is to lived forward, but understood backwards.” I call those understandings, “Luscious Life Lessons,” and rather than recount their stories, I will share the luscious life lessons that all of them in one way or another went through in order to attract luscious life partnership. Lessons that continue to resonate for me on a regular basis, whether you are wanting to attract luscious life partnerships into your life, or deepen the one you’re already in.
1) Let go of what you think relationships “should” look like, and create the one you want
While it’s imperative to be clear what you want and need in a relationship, and create one that speaks to those important aspects, it’s imperative to let go what that should “look like.” So many people let go of potential relationships that could really develop, because it doesn’t “look the way a relationship should look.” I’m not talking about settling, or denying what’s important, but let go of the pictures. We’re inundated with them through media, fairy tales, etc. Don’t give up on what you want, but surrender to what it may or may not look like.
2) Reframe what “chemistry” looks and feels like in a relationship
We place so much emphasis on it, yet don’t even understand what it means. If you’ve been hard wired to be with the “bad boys” or terminally unavailable men, then guess what, “the good guys” won’t start your engine, so to speak. I’ve seen it over and over, sometimes, a woman needs to “let her body catch up” to being attracted to someone who is really right for her.
Again, no “settling” or trying to convince yourself otherwise here, just remember, “Attraction is sometimes like poison ivy, it just creeps up on you, gets under your skin, when you’re not expecting it.”
3) Be clear about what your requirements, needs and wants of a relationship (not partner) is. In vagueness, there’s discontent. If you’re not clear what you’re wanting to create in your partnership, how will you know when and if it shows up? Knowing your requirements (non-negotiables), needs (important but not deal breakers), and wants (wouldn’t it be fabu wish list), gives you a blueprint to let go while staying clear. Remember it’s for the relationship not the person. Creating a checklist for a person sets up a forced and contrived atmosphere that makes you feel like you’re on an interview rather than a date. But a list of guiding principles and qualities that you want the relationship to support is empowering for both of you.
4) Be in dialogue versus monologue
Monologues that stay in our own head, about our assumptions, needs wants, and feelings are roadmaps for disappointment.