ProConnect

What To Do When The Other Person’s Issues Are Keeping You Apart

By

What To Do When The Other Person’s Issues Are Keeping You Apart
You're sure you could be good together, but they keep the relationship from moving forward.

You make each other laugh, never want your time together to end, have great conversation, and make each other feel special and wanted. But you also have a lot of misunderstandings, tend to push each other's buttons, and feel frustration or hurt too often in your relationship.

If you find yourself in this 'can't live with 'em, can't live without em' dynamic, chances are one of you wants to move the relationship forward, but the other wants to keep it where it’s at. And if the pursuer isn't given a satisfactory reason why the withholder doesn't want a relationship, the pursuer gets anxious or sad convinced they could be in a great relationship if only the other person didn't have issues holding them back.

More from YourTango: Heal Your Body By Healing Your Mind & Spirit

They may be right. Timing is a significant part of compatibility. A person only gets into a relationship when they are wanting and ready for one. A person who still has personal work to do before he or she can be available for a relationship will always find reasons why they shouldn't go forward with someone. But that person may sincerely think they are ready. And if that's the case, unfortunately there's nothing anyone can do to get them to see it. People only come to realize it when they come to it on their own, in their own time, in their own way. And if the other tries to get them to see it, they just risk looking desperate or crazy and the person may want to distance themselves from them even more.

A relationship where two people choose to give to each other and care for one another is love. A need to be with someone or prove how right you are for them is compulsion. Love is peaceful, compulsion is exhausting. Love makes you feel good, compulsion hurts.

If a relationship, or desire for a relationship with someone is causing you hurt, frustration or anguish, you don't have a relationship problem, you have a self-esteem or faith problem. Why do you want to be with someone who's willing to let you go, rather than find someone who would love you and work to keep you? Do you believe you can have that?

More from YourTango: How To Help An Addicted Family Member

It's easy to focus on what's wrong with someone else. People will provide you with lots of opportunity to do so. But it's impossible to change others and you'll only give yourself lots of unnecessary heartache and turmoil in waiting and wanting for them to change. The only way to make progress in relationships is to focus on changes you can make within yourself. And when you grow, you see your options grow and feel yourself moving closer to what you want.

More life coach advice on YourTango:

 

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Recent Expert Posts
Smooches

She's That Into You: Cracking the Code of Women

Women give off signals telling you how they feel.

Girlfriends

6 Texting Shockers You Must Avoid!

Sending your man a text message sounds easy enough, but get it wrong and it could be the end of you.

Blues

The addiction to "busy"ness: How to live with more intention

Is the daily routine of life getting you down? Find your passion and live a more authentic life!

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS