5 things you can learn from Gwen, Jenn and even Chris...
Jen and Ben. Gwen and Gavin. Blake and Miranda. Kylie and Tyga.
So what do their breakups – and how they handle them – say about our own broken hearts and the post-breakup recovery roads we take?
1. You take the high road like Jennifer Garner.
Most – if not all – women fantasize about being the table flipping, fire starting, trash talking heroine of our own lives after a breakup.
Strong. Fierce. Unapologetic. Uncensored.
But when revenge fantasies become revenge realities, they are often accompanied by regrettable repercussions like an arrest record, jail time, and trying to explain that restraining order to your next love interest.
If you’re able to keep your revenge fantasies in your head – and your ex out of your bed – you’ll be better off taking the high road like Jennifer Garner following her split from Ben Affleck in 2015.
This is especially important if you have kids together. As mad as you may be at your spouse in the heat of your post-breakup split, your kids don’t deserve to be put in the middle or forced to listen to either/both of you trash talk your ex.
Taking the high road sets an example for everyone around you that while you may be nursing a broken heart, you can still have a level head and healthy sense of self esteem.
In the March issue of Vanity Fair, Jennifer told interviewer Krista Smith, “It’s not Ben’s job to make me happy. The main thing is these kids—and we’re completely in line with what we hope for them. Sure, I lost the dream of dancing with my husband at my daughter’s wedding. But you should see their faces when he walks through the door. And if you see your kids love someone so purely and wholly, then you’re going to be friends with that person.”
2. You wear your heart — and your art — on your sleeve like Gwen Stefani.
These artists channel their emotional angst into their art, penning songs and filming emotional music videos and live performances that rock us to our core. And thank God! Where would we be without our breakup anthems? Stuck feeling isolated and alone, like no one understands the pain of love and loss.
So how can YOU channel your heart into art? What’s your chosen form of creative expression? I wrote my best selling book It’s A Breakup, Not A Breakdown in the aftermath of my Big Breakup, channeling my broken heart into the pages and stages of breakup recovery in hopes of helping other women feel, deal, and heal their broken hearts.
3. You channel your heartbreak into self improvement and rock your revenge bod like Khloe Kardashian.
Let’s be honest. Nothing’s quite as sweet or satisfying as looking and feeling like a million bucks after your breakup. And no one knows this better than Khloe Kardashian who — following her split from husband Lamar Odom — has quickly become the hottie with the body in a family known for their curvaceous assets. In fact, Khloe’s personal transformation has been so powerful that she’s soon to be hosting a show called Revenge Body With Khloe Kardashian.
Channeling your heartbreak into a healthy body is the ultimate post-breakup gift to yourself. Whether your ex ever sees you or not, you get to look and feel your best while loving the skin you’re in. Talk about a win-win!
4. You’re a repeat offender like Kylie Jenner.
After her most recent split from Tyga, Kylie Jenner admitted on SnapChat that she “loves really hard.” And while this may be her reasoning for why she and Tyga seem to be in a perpetual pattern of breaking up and making up, the truth may lie a little deeper.
While it’s understandable to wonder what if?? after the breakup, if you also find yourself saying or thinking…
I’m nothing without him.
Maybe I over-reacted...
Maybe he can change...
STOP. And swallow this reality pill. Your relationship status does not define you (contrary to what celebrity culture, the media, and even your mom might be saying). YOU are a fierce, fabulous, fragile individual who deserves to be loved, starting with yourself. You also deserve to receive love that sees, supports, and celebrates the best version of who you really are. If your ex doesn’t bring that to your life? Walk away once and for all and focus on your own sense of self worth and value.
5. You’re a total rebounder like Coldplay’s Chris Martin.
If history tells us anything, it’s that women get a bad rap for rebounding after a breakup while men get pats on the back. So instead of pointing to some of the world’s most famous female rebounders, I’d like to point out that Chris Martin is the reigning queen of rebounding in my book. After consciously uncoupling from his then-wife Gwyneth Paltrow amid rumors he was already cheating with fashion model Alexa Chung, the Coldplay frontman has since been romantically linked to actresses Kate Hudson, Jennifer Lawrence, and Annabelle Wallis to name a few.
I get it. You’re successful, good looking, and rich. The world’s most beautiful women are throwing themselves at you. You’re suddenly single. Why not play the field? But don’t be disingenuous about it, telling BBC Radio 1's Zane Lowe, “Up to a certain point in my life I wasn't completely vulnerable and it caused some problems. If you don't let love really in then you can't really give it back.”
Yes, rebounding is fun. Getting under someone new is a great way to get over your ex. And… it’s also the best way to avoid dealing with your feelings. By living in denial about the love you’ve lost — while in the arms of someone new — you rob yourself of the opportunity to discover a deeper level of who you are and who you’re becoming as a result of the breakup.
In the end, there’s no shortcut for breakup recovery. The sting of a broken heart is real. And you can’t predict when you’ll be over it. So why not take a healthy page from high roaders like Jennifer Garner, artists like Gwen and Adele, and the revenge bod queen Khloe Kardashian, channeling your breakup pain for the betterment of your next chapter in life, a.k.a. Your Best You Yet?