Confessions Of An Imposter Mom: Playground Politics


Confessions Of An Imposter Mom: Playground Politics
I admit it. I'm an a**hole on the playground...

I'm not proud of what I'm about to say, but here goes...


I'm a real a**hole on the playground.

More specifically, I may be ruining young psyches with my playground politics.


Case in point: The little blond girl we'll call Julia.

In my defense, Julia's a real prima dona. Blonde. Prissy. Know-it-all. She may only be five or six now, but I see Julia's future. She's that cliquey sorority slut you run into at frat parties in college and instantly despise.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Back to little Julia. I see her at the playground often. She and her friends (whose 40something Mexican nannies are also clique-ish) are always running AWAY from The Wee One, who genuinely just wants to make friends.


Here's how that goes:

Julia and her friends (all around the 5-6 year old range) are playing in the sand. The Wee One (all of 18 months) plops down to join them. Julia and her friends run away. The Wee One, thinking it's a game, gets up and runs after them, smiling, giddy. Julia gives The Wee One the stank eye as she and her friends run faster or climb a tree to escape.


The adult in me gets the dynamic. My inner brat (we'll call her Bratty McBraxton) does NOT. Personally offended, I swoop in, try to distract The Wee One with one of her toys or the enticement of THE SLIDE (it really IS the best thing to do on the playground). Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. For the most part, The Wee One appears untraumatized by the playground politics.

I, on the other hand, feel overly emotional and rejected.


Who's the REAL baby, you ask?

Insert dramatic eye roll.


So back to Julia and me.

I've spent the better part of six months studying her behavior. And I don't like her. She's bossy. Possessive. Demanding. A real six year old.


So imagine how I feel when she tries to steal one of The Wee One's toys the other day...



The Wee One has left her sand toys to wander aimlessly after yet another kid who's not interested in being her friend. (Oy, all my issues come up on the playground!)

Julia makes a grab for The Wee One's coolest toy.

I catch Julia in the act and say...


"Is that your toy?"

Julia looks up at me with her big blue eyes, feigns innocence.



"I don't think so," I counter. "That's her toy."


"But I want to play with it," she says, twisting a lock of blond hair around her finger, assessing if her charms will work on me.

They don't.


"Too bad. You're not very nice to her so we're not going to share today," I say in my best scolding voice. (This will SO be one of the scenes God plays in my Albert Brooks' Defending Your Life montage.)

Julia looks at me, surprised. Most people don't say no to her. She knows it. I know it. She hates it. I love it.


This article was originally published at Lisa Steadman . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Lisa Steadman


Lisa Steadman

Location: Los Angeles, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support, Life Management
Other Articles/News by Lisa Steadman:

I Am Jealous Of My Husband's Love For A (Much) Younger Lady


My worst fear has been realized. My husband has fallen in love with another girl. Life, as I know it, is over. Just as I expected, the other lady is younger and cuter than I am. Surprisingly enough, she, like me, has thick thighs and a round booty. However, unlike my ever expansive 40-something lower half, she's still at an age when thigh chunk and butt ... Read more

Don't Let Money Put A Tax On Your Relationship


Growing up, my parents argued about money constantly. Having been raised by a single mother in extreme poverty, my father worried there was never enough. Having grown up somewhat entitled, my mother believed that as long as there were checks left in the checkbook, she had spending power. And while my family was firmly middle class, many of my childhood memories ... Read more

"The Force Wasn't With Us" — A Star Wars Breakup


In 2004, I launched The Breakup Chronicles because I had just had my heart smashed to smithereens for the umpteenth time and needed to figure out why I was getting love so wrong, so consistently. The common denominator was most definitely me. In writing about some of my key relationships, I needed to figure out what I did wrong, how I contributed to the demise ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular