Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

American Idol = Love Doctor?

Love

I confess. I may be the only dating coach in America who doesn't watch The Bachelor for research.

And I didn't do a big media blitz around Valentine's Day either.

I just don't buy into the hype.

This may be my greatest asset, or a horrible business decision.

However, one TV show I always make time for, regardless of the often-ridiculous hype around it, is American Idol.

I heart American Idol!

Especially now that Ryan's stopped ending the show with, "Seacrest, Out."

That was SO Dunkelman.

As I was watching American Idol last night, anxiously awaiting the final 24 to be revealed, I realized something.

American Idol has a lot to teach single women about the search for love.

Case in point: Last night's elimination of Idol hopeful Jessica Furney.

Here's the backstory. Jessica has auditioned for American Idol, like, 5 or 6 times.

She's made it to Hollywood the last 2 years.

And while she took last year's elimination with a grain of salt, this year she wasn't having it.

And this is where the lesson for single women looking for love comes in.

Like a lot of single women who try to make the wrong guy Mr. Right, Jessica wasn't accepting that she didn't do enough to make it into the top 24.

Like a lot of single women who can't handle getting dumped by Mr. Wrong, even when it's for the best, Jessica begged for a second chance.

And like many single women who blame their single status on the fact that "there are no good men left," Jessica blamed her elimination on the group she chose to perform with during the group audition.

In that moment, Jessica became The Victim.

How many single women do you know who have chosen to become The Victim rather than suck it up, get back out there, and try again, even in the face of doubt, uncertainty, and fear.

Instead of owning up to her own short comings in a sea of uber talented, "it" factor hopefuls who clearly have more commercial appeal than Jessica, she found it easier to blame her elimination on the short comings of others.

And yes, maybe Jessica should have looked out for herself more, chose a better group to perform with, and stopped singing when her group turned into a hot mess.

But I'm guessing that like all those single women who search for someone else or something else to blame for why they haven't found love, if Jessica had done that and STILL been eliminated, I'm guessing she would have found another "thing" to blame her elimination on.

And here's the worst part. When being consoled by the judges, especially Ellen Degeneres who counseled, "This is not the end of the road. Everybody feels this is the end of their life. It is not. You will go on."

Jessica's response?

"You don't know that."

And here's where she truly becomes a cautionary tale for single women.

Think of all the single women you know who BELIEVE that their ex was The One.

Think of all the single women you know who are convinced time has run out on their chance at love, getting married, and having babies.

Think of all the single women you know who are convinced that they're too old, too fat, or not pretty enough to find love.

Like Jessica, they're telling themselves a STORY.

And like Jessica, it's easier to believe that story than to choose a better way.

If and when Jessica's ready, I hope she'll audition for Idol again next year. America loves a good comeback story. And if she applies her lessons learned, she might actually make the top 24. Not because she's the most talented or prettiest. But because she worked her tail off, learned from her mistakes, and came back stronger than ever.

Just like the single woman who realizes that it's not enough to just sit back, watch American Idol, and wait for Mr. Right to knock on her door (And let's be honest. If he did, she'd think he was a stalker and call 9-1-1!), I hope Jessica summons the strength to dig deep, reflect on what she did well as well as what she can work on, and invests in herself in the coming year so that she can emerge better than ever.

That's when the real magic happens. And that's when she changes her story.

Do they teach this stuff on The Bachelor?

Author
Expert

Explore YourTango