I recently attended a screening of The Backup Plan with Jennifer Lopez. In the film, Jennifer plays Zoe, an ex corporate type who's reinvented her career and, on the verge of turning 40, decides to reinvent her personal life too. With no Mr. Right in sight, Zoe decides she's not waiting any longer to start a family. After getting artificially inseminated, Zoe meets Mr. Right. Go figure.
As I watched the movie, I couldn't help but notice that Zoe made many of the common mistakes my single women clients have made in the past. In fact, she committed 4 of the cardinal dating sins that keep single women minus a Plus One:
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Mistake #1: They Allow Work to Consume Them
Even though she left fast paced corporate America to open her own business, Zoe still seems consumed by her work. She's attractive, successful, and yet completely un-dateable because her life is all about work. And even when she meets a nice, interested, available guy, she initially does her best to chase him away. As a coach, this is a common mistake I see single women make. So many women are so committed to the idea that if a man is interested in them, there must be something wrong with him, that they dismiss potentially really great guys without giving them a chance. And then they re-immerse themselves in work mode, staying in masculine energy that makes them not only hard to approach but practically impossible to connect with. Work Vs Love: A Man's Case For Putting Work First
Mistake #2: They Believe Time Has Run Out
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In the movie, Zoe believes time has run out on her chance to get love, marriage, and babies right. And that's where she's wrong. It’s also where so many single women are wrong. While it may have been true that once upon a time love, marriage, and babies had a predictable timeline, in 2010 our lives are less predictable. And that's a good thing. As many women are delaying marriage until our 40s and 50s, the truth is we are never behind schedule. We're right on time for our lives. And yes, I understand the biology isn’t always on our side. But if you truly want to have a family, not being able to bear your own children shouldn't be the deal breaker. You can adopt, hire a surrogate, be a foster parent, or even a step parent to your future partner's children. I Knocked Myself Up: Pregnancy On My Own
Mistake #3: They Ignore Good Men