Is the grass really greener as a couple?
First, if you are a happy couple, I suggest you invest in your relationship and enjoy the benefits of partnership. But if you are single and constantly feeling a sense of lack by not being in a relationship, take pause and re-evaluate the motivation to re-couple.
Perhaps you have always heard or been told that there is something wrong with you if you are single. My daughters in college frequently tell me that when they encounter someone they haven't seen in awhile, one question often asked is "Do you have a boyfriend?" The answer to that question seems more important than anything else they might talk about. Why not ask instead what inspires them, if they have found a passion or what dreams they have for their futures? Why is a having a boyfriend so important?
As for adults, either pre-marriage or post divorce, the question of "Have you found anyone yet?" appears to be pressing on everyone's mind. I will admit that when I find a man in middle age that has never married, I wonder what "issue" has kept him single.
On the flip side, I have been divorced for 15 years without remarriage. I'm sure some people ponder what "my problem" might be. Am I too wounded, bitter, picky, independent, arrogant, not feminine or flirty enough, and so forth?
Do you sometimes wonder if society brainwashes you to feel inferior or lacking some key ingredient if you are single? Perhaps you just allow yourself to internalize a sense of inadequacy if you are not in a relationship?
Should you really work so hard to find a partner? What if you just harnessed that time and energy of constantly searching for a mate into a passion that you feel strongly about? What if you let a companion come in naturally without the effort of "meant to be?"
Look back over your life and analyze your partnerships. You may have had a failed marriage or several break ups of relationships that didn’t last for a variety of reasons. But have you ever counted up your successful relationships? Do you have good friends in your life? How many? Do you actually have more successful relationships with family or friends than the number of romantic breakups? Do you dwell on the failures or see your successes?
What if you took some time off of your search for "the one" and instead spent more time with your friends or your family? Could you strengthen and deepen your other relationships? If you have better relationships with others in your life, those skills eventually translate into a better possibility of success when a romantic relationship does present itself.
I have had many friends and relatives say to me that they envy my single life. They are coupled and unhappy but choose to stay in that unfulfilling union. They can see many of the benefits of being single that I sometimes lose sight of myself.
I do really enjoy coming and going whenever I please without getting permission or worrying about how my activities and preferences are affecting someone else. I truly design my day as I wish and can be spontaneous at any time.
If you are single, is your mind only centered on what is missing? What if you shifted to what is good, what is fun and what is smart about being single? You can still date and look for a new partner, but perhaps consider looking at the deep root of your reason for looking. Make sure you are searching for the right reasons instead of peer or cultural pressure to be coupled. Once you do some soul searching, you may be in a better frame of mind to actually attract a great match! So think about your reasons for looking and may your ultimate choice be a good one for you.
If you would like to explore more benefits of being single or additional reasons why you are still single, read "3 Benefits of Being Single" and "Still Single? 11 You May Not Have Found ‘The One’ Yet" also written on YourTango.
Let's connect on Facebook or Twitter and I'll share more healthy dating and relationship tips with you. And learn more about me and the books I have written by visiting my website: www.LisaJShultz.com.