By Lisa Hayes — Written on Oct 07, 2010
Here’s the deal Ladies, men are not stupid. They deserve a lot more credit then we give them. I’m hear to tell you, unless you have specifically said, “Please don’t call me regularly.” , they know you’d like them to call, text, IM, or send smoke signals. They know you’d like to hear from them. They also know exactly what not calling means. It means they aren’t 100% engaged in being with you.
They might be interested, but they aren’t fully in the game. Unfortunately, to paraphrase the book, He’s Just Not That Into You. Secondly, men also don’t need us to make excuses for them. When you start a sentence by saying, I haven’t heard from him for a week - and then finish the sentence with BUT he’s busy with his stressful job or with his kids or whatever you are deluding yourself. It takes thirty seconds to call and say, “Hey, I’m really busy this week, but I wanted you to know I was thinking about you.” Thirty seconds -- he can do that while sitting on the toilet. If he hasn’t, it doesn’t mean he’s busy.
So, establishing this, then the next question most women ask is, “Well, then should I call him and talk to him about it???” NO NO NO I’ve actually had women who haven’t heard from the guy they were “dating” for weeks think they need to call and break up with him. Don’t bother, you might be interrupting him on a date. Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Lisa, this isn’t like you. This isn’t your normal cheerful, uplifting style. I don’t want to know why he isn’t calling, (mostly because I already knew). What I want to know is how to get him to call.”
Ok - so here’s the uplifting stuff. You deserve a relationship where you know what’s up. You deserve someone who wants to be with you and misses you when he’s not. Men are crafty and resourceful creatures. They can move heaven and earth to be with someone when they want to - and you deserve someone who wants you like that. And - and this is the big AND, you will find him sooner if you are willing to take this relationship with this man who disappears, which is presenting you so much of what you do not want, and say NEXT. I’m talking about saying this to yourself by the way.
We’ve already established calling him is likely to be a waste of time. It’s not your fault you don’t hear from him. It’s not even personal. The sooner you aren’t wasting time, energy, and resources, the sooner you will be energetically in the market to attract the next guy. Now, maybe, and honestly this is a small maybe, when you disappear from the energy field of the current guys radar, he will take note, and shape up.
But let me tell you this for sure, that is the only thing that might change his behavior. Men are ever so much more likely to observe and learn from behavior and consequence then they are a “talking to”. Whether they do or don’t is not the point. You are not trying to retrain some man, because that would in fact be trying to change someone, and we aren’t in the game of changing our men. The point is to demonstrate to the Universe how you want to be treated and let that Divine Organizing Force sort it out.
Lisa Hayes C.Ht. is the Love Whisperer. She is a Law of Attraction Relationship Coach and author of The Passion Plan and Escape from Relationship Hell. She specializes in helping people get the love they want, no matter where they are in their lives. You can find her at her digit home, www.lisamhayes.com. Get her free audio, How to Talk to a Man, HERE.