Expert: When He Says He Needs Space
By Lisa Hayes. Posted on .
When a man says he needs space in a relationship, more than likely the real news is even worse then that. When a man says he needs space, at best he is beginning to have second thoughts about the relationship, worst case, he is already thinking about a breakup. Now this obviously doesn't apply in every case. How do you know if it's a real situation or impending doom? If he says something specific like, "My boss has me working on this crazy project. I am really stressed about the deadlines right now. For the next three weeks or so I am going to need to focus on my job more then anything else. I might not be available as much," he means just that. There's a deadline, he's stressed and busy and he doesn't want you to freak out. If he says something like, "I am feeling a little overwhelmed right now. I really like you, but I need some space for awhile," that means he's either just not that into you, or he's thinking he might be into someone else.
So, what do you do if you get the "I just need space" talk? I'll tell you what not to do.
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- Do not ask why.
- Do not get upset, (in front of him anyway).
- Do not argue, plead, or get accusatory.
If you like this guy, and want to preserve any hope of showing him you're the best thing going for him right now, below are four things TO DO.
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- Say something like, "You know, you're right. I've been thinking we were getting a little too serious too fast also.
- End the conversation as quickly and politely as possible.
- Do not call, text, IM, email or send smoke signals.
- IF he calls, and IF he wants to see you, say something like, "I've already got plans Friday. I'd love to see you. How about next Saturday afternoon?"
I know. I can hear it already. You might think it's game playing, and maybe it is. That said, the rule of thumb is this. If a man asks for space, give him way more space than he's asking for.
What to do during the waiting game? Do not waste your energy pining over this man. Seriously. It's a bad energetic investment and a waste of calories. Focus on your fabulous life. If it's not feeling all that fabulous right now, focus on getting to fabulous at warp speed. Ideally, when he calls, you will have plans on Friday, Saturday, and even Sunday. The way you spend your energy is an investment, so spend it wisely—on you, and only you.
