This is my second marriage. I refer to my first husband as the practice husband. During my first marriage, I thought I was a pretty good wife. I would have given myself a solid B+ and I am quite certain my ex-husband would't be that generous with the grading scale.
To be honest, when I was married the first time, I am somewhat ashamed to say, I never thought about it. I never ever thought about being a good wife, or if I could be a better one. I was pretty much on auto pilot. I don't know if it was immaturity or I just didn't care. I do know I thought I was doing the best I could or good enough and left it at that. Community: One Smart Way To Reconnect With Your Spouse
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Fast forward a few years, and to a seriously upgraded marriage. I think about it a lot now. I want to be the best wife I can be. It's not about trying to do more or be more out of obligation. It's much different then that. David consistently inspires me to be better. I just want him to be proud of me. I want to do more for him and with him. I want to participate in his life in anyway fun or helpful. David makes me want to be better. Not just a better person, but a better wife. My Grandmother used to say the measure of a good relationship is simply that they make each other better people. Using my first marriage as a test of that theory, I would say it's true. Although my ex was and still is one of God's precious children, he certainly didn't make me want to be a better person. In fact, over the course of that marriage, I didn't improve.
To be honest, I probably actually degraded. I also think it's fair to say I didn't bring out the best in him either. It was quite obvious to us and everyone else, it was not a good relationship. Lucky for both of us we had the good sense to divorce. Am I Doomed To Get A Divorce?
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My grandmother use to say the definition of a good relationship is when two people make each other better people. People always ask me how I knew David was the one. I knew from the get go. He instantly brought out the best in me. Sure, in the beginning I may have stretched a little to impress him. However, the need to impress very soon gave way to the earnest desire to be better. He provides me a safe place to grow and in that safe place, I have grown more in the last three years, then in the previous two decades. I have a lot more energy to grow with because I’m not stuck in survival. Simply put, he inspires me and I aspire to be the best wife I can be because he deserves the best wife he can have. I want to be that woman.
So, if you are trying to figure out the state of your union, I suggest you put it to the "Grandma test." Does being with this person inspire you to be a better person? If so, you're probably right where you should be. If not, it might be time to either readjust or reconsider. I will say this: it feels good to want to grow. It feels really good to be inspired to be my best. Why Is A Good Man So Hard To Find?