This is my second marriage. I refer to my first husband as the practice husband.
This is my second marriage. I refer to my first husband as the practice husband. During my first marriage, I thought I was a pretty good wife. I would have given myself a solid B+ and I am quite certain my ex-husband would't be that generous with the grading scale.
To be honest, when I was married the first time, I am somewhat ashamed to say, I never thought about it. I never ever thought about being a good wife, or if I could be a better one. I was pretty much on auto pilot. I don't know if it was immaturity or I just didn't care. I do know I thought I was doing the best I could or good enough and left it at that. Community: One Smart Way To Reconnect With Your Spouse
Fast forward a few years, and to a seriously upgraded marriage. I think about it a lot now. I want to be the best wife I can be. It's not about trying to do more or be more out of obligation. It's much different then that. David consistently inspires me to be better. I just want him to be proud of me. I want to do more for him and with him. I want to participate in his life in anyway fun or helpful. David makes me want to be better. Not just a better person, but a better wife. My Grandmother used to say the measure of a good relationship is simply that they make each other better people. Using my first marriage as a test of that theory, I would say it's true. Although my ex was and still is one of God's precious children, he certainly didn't make me want to be a better person. In fact, over the course of that marriage, I didn't improve.
To be honest, I probably actually degraded. I also think it's fair to say I didn't bring out the best in him either. It was quite obvious to us and everyone else, it was not a good relationship. Lucky for both of us we had the good sense to divorce. Am I Doomed To Get A Divorce?
My grandmother use to say the definition of a good relationship is when two people make each other better people. People always ask me how I knew David was the one. I knew from the get go. He instantly brought out the best in me. Sure, in the beginning I may have stretched a little to impress him. However, the need to impress very soon gave way to the earnest desire to be better. He provides me a safe place to grow and in that safe place, I have grown more in the last three years, then in the previous two decades. I have a lot more energy to grow with because I’m not stuck in survival. Simply put, he inspires me and I aspire to be the best wife I can be because he deserves the best wife he can have. I want to be that woman.
So, if you are trying to figure out the state of your union, I suggest you put it to the "Grandma test." Does being with this person inspire you to be a better person? If so, you're probably right where you should be. If not, it might be time to either readjust or reconsider. I will say this: it feels good to want to grow. It feels really good to be inspired to be my best. Why Is A Good Man So Hard To Find?
Lisa Hayes C.Ht. is the Love Whisperer. She is a Law of Attraction Relationship Coach and author of The Passion Plan and Escape from Relationship Hell. She specializes in helping people get the love they want, no matter where they are in their lives. You can find her at her digit home, www.lisamhayes.com. Get her free audio, How to Talk to a Man, HERE.