So what's the secret to falling in love?
There is no question that love is a tricky thing. There are hundreds of ways to dance around every issue that arises, and so many "rules" to contend with. Rules about when to call someone, how long to wait until you sleep together … the list goes on and on!
Let me give you some inside information. Even the "experts" have no right answers or foolproof rules to deal with these quandaries.
With no right answers, what are you to do with all of these love conundrums, and the mixed advice you get on how to deal with them? How in the world will you, or anyone else ever find real love?
I believe success in love all boils down to a theory that I have had for years.
The theory is this: If you were to take two people with similar relationship goals and values and relatively similar attraction types and physical types, plop them on a deserted island together, and come back five years later, I predict that they would almost certainly be in love.
Why is this?
My theory draws on the idea that if two people have extremely limited distractions and are given the chance to get to know the true essence of the other person by breaking down the walls we usually put up for protection, amazing things can happen. Creating an environment where two people can work together for a common goal can aid in love being created right then and there—manufactured if you will.
A few weeks ago I read an amazing article in the New York Times called To Fall In Love With Anyone Do This that re-validated my deserted island theory in the most amazing way.
The author of this article, Mandy Len Catron, writes about how in her own way she participated in an experiment run by Dr. Aron where he attempted to create closeness and intimacy between two people by having them answer a series of 36 questions out loud to each other. The study was essentially my deserted island theory—but cut down from five years to a couple of hours. Much more practical!
Mandy Len Catron describes in her article how she answered the 36 questions with a guy she went on a date with that she had only known as an acquaintance beforehand. And wouldn't you know it, they eventually ended up falling in love and getting married!
Why did she have such success?!
Simple. It all goes back to the amazing things that can happen if you have limited distraction and open yourself up to getting to know the essence of another person. The tough questions need to be asked; the questions that lead you to understand someone’s values and what is beyond their exterior. This of course can only be true if you are really open to the possibility of falling in love, and finding love in an unexpected way in an unexpected package.
My theory and Mandy’s story have inspired me to do a little additional research. I have enlisted 10 of my fellow matchmakers to help me determine if we can recreate the deserted island theory with the couples that we match.
We will be moving forward by carefully choosing 10 men and 10 women who we feel would be good matches, and then having them answer the 36 questions from the study. Afterwards we will evaluate the experience they had together as couples, and as individuals.
I also hope to perform this study with those who have been married for 5 or more years so that we can see how they experience answering the 36 questions.
Interested in getting involved? Great!
If you are single, or a married couple—either happy or in crisis—and live in the New York Tri-State Area and feel you might be right for the study, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject line Deserted Island. Please let me know your name, a brief bio, if you are single or married, and a statement about why you would like to participate.
If chosen, we will contact you with full details!
Stay tuned for a follow-up article about what happens with my experiment! Let’s see if we can make love happen!