Why Being Vulnerable Can Win You Dates & Maybe Mr. Right


Why Being Vulnerable Can Win You Dates & Maybe Mr. Right
"Hey, I liked your profile. Wanna date?"
What I discovered about dating and vulnerability...

I'm a funny person. I like to be funny and make people laugh. I just love to be the center of attention and have an audience (even if my audience is just one person who really isn't listening). So after my separation, I thought it would be easy to attract the perfect guy. Hey, I'm attractive and funny, what's not to like? Ha, not so fast. It wasn't easy at all and boy did I learn the hard way.

I was intrigued by online dating and thought I would give it a whirl. My profile started out like this: "I couldn't find a way to describe myself so I asked my ex-husband. He said, "She swears like a sailor, drools while she sleeps, and my mother couldn't wait to get rid of her."

More from YourTango: Three Reasons Why Your Lowest Moment is a Gift!

Funny, right?

And on the part where they ask you the last book you've read. I wrote, "How to Stop Being a Co-dependent Girlfriend, written by Oprah Winfrey."

Even more hilarious, right? (Okay, I might think I'm funnier than I really am.)

Obviously, my profile wasn't true but I was using it to showcase my humor. I received a ton of e-mails—every guy remarked on my funny profile and that they would love to take me out to dinner. And so I went out with a few of them.

I found that I dominated the conversation, they laughed at my jokes, but not one of them was interesting to me, nor did I find any of them attractive. I couldn't understand it! What was I doing wrong?

And then it occurred to me that being funny isn't really who I am. It's a part of me, but it isn't me. Underneath my humor, I'm quite vulnerable. I can be scared, I hate to be alone, and I always worry that I'm not the best mother.

I had to ask myself, do I want a guy to laugh at my jokes, or do I want him to take care of me, love and support me when I'm feeling low? I realized I wanted the latter so I revamped my online dating strategy. I needed to be vulnerable.

Now, being vulnerable doesn't mean being desperate. Desperate is saying that you are so lonely you'll do anything for a date. But being vulnerable means you have a softer side to you, and that you aren't perfect. Say something that scares you a little.

Thus, my new online dating profile went something like this: "I have two amazing boys but sometimes I wonder if they'll catch on that Mom needs to get out more and find love for herself. I love meeting new people and I'm ready for a relationship, but if it doesn't happen soon, then my boys are stuck with endless bowling nights and pizza!"

The men that wrote me were completely different than the first round. They were nicer, perhaps because my profile invited them to say something vulnerable about themselves.

On my dates I tried not to dominate the conversation and tell jokes. I listened more and made myself promise to say at least one thing that scared me. And I figured something out—men dig that!

No matter how Alpha-female we may be, what we find attractive about men is their manliness—their ability to hunt, nurture, and provide. Thousands of years of evolution have wired us this way. So being able to attract that right guy may require you to take a back seat, listen and be vulnerable!

Once you have him and he has you, then show your stuff, girlfriend! Tell your jokes, make him laugh until he pees himself, and he will love you for all that you are!

More from YourTango: Fear = Change!

More dating advice on YourTango:

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Lindsey Ellison

Divorce Coach

Lindsey Ellison

The Inspired Divorce

Email me today for a free 60-minute consultation!

Location: Annapolis, MD
Credentials: BA, BS
Other Articles/News by Lindsey Ellison:

So You Think You Want A Divorce...


As a Divorce Coach, I never want to tell you whether you should or shouldn't get divorced. Unfortunately, this very difficult decision must be yours, and yours alone. Talking with your marriage counselor or therapist can really help you with that decision. It did for me. Still, what therapy didn't do was tell me what to expect, or how to prepare my life ... Read more

Two Easy Steps to Eliminate Your Fears!


By entering the world of coaching, I have taken some major risks – I truly believe that coaching and helping women is my divine passion… BUT… I left a cushy (yet unfulfilling) salaried job to do what fulfills me soulfully. I also enrolled in an online business school and it’s really pushing me outside my comfort zone. It’s making ... Read more

Three Reasons Why Your Lowest Moment is a Gift!


When a relationship is on its final course and near an end, the two people in it don’t always behave nicely. There’s the fighting, bickering, insulting, passive aggressiveness, name calling… the list goes on. And when someone you once loved (or still love) hurts you with mean words, you might quickly retreat back to your own corner to lick ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts

She's That Into You: Cracking the Code of Women

Women give off signals telling you how they feel.


6 Texting Shockers You Must Avoid!

Sending your man a text message sounds easy enough, but get it wrong and it could be the end of you.


The addiction to "busy"ness: How to live with more intention

Is the daily routine of life getting you down? Find your passion and live a more authentic life!

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no timeā€¦

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>