Coping with Saturday nights when you're divorced leaves a lot to be desired.
Before I was divorced, Saturday nights meant movie nights with the kids or having the neighbors over for potluck. Rarely did we get a babysitter (hm, maybe that's why we are divorced? But that's another story). Once I moved out, everything changed and Saturday nights just weren't the same. Now they sucked. I'm going to give you an honest insight about what my Saturday nights looked like with and without the kids, during the different phases of my Newly Single Chapter II:
First 6 Months Separated
Saturday Nights With The Kids: Movie night. While the kids watched movies, I texted, Facebooked, and checked my Match.com account. I put them to bed at 10PM and then I talked on the phone for two hours with one or more of the guys I met on Match.com. Or, if I didn't have anyone to talk to, I would call my parents and cry. Or I would watch The Notebook and cry even harder (especially when Ryan Gosling says to her, "And it still isn't over!")
Saturday Nights Without The kids: I would have 1-2 dates lined up (yes, there were nights I dated more than one person), or if I didn't have a date, I would go out with my two single girlfriends. We'd either go to a concert or to a bar, and I'd blatantly hand men my phone number because...well, why wouldn't they want to call me? (They never called).
The First Year Separated
Saturday Nights With The Kids: I had met other single moms and invited them over for pizza night. Or I finally felt more comfortable meeting my new neighbors. Or, if no one would come over, we would get all the pots and pans out and listen to dance music and run all over the house beating the pans to the music. I began ignoring my text messages or I would turn my phone off.
Saturday Night Without the kids: I met someone and fell in love. Saturday's were spent with him and only him. I was obsessed.
The First Year And A Half Separated
Saturday Night With The kids: I took a class on how to indoor rock climb and would take my kids rock climbing. Or we went to movies or on small trips just the three of us. I became a sponsor to the Naval Academy where I hosted mid-shipmen and feed them dinner. They would play video games with my boys and I'd have a house full of boys I could feed.
Saturday Nigh Without the kids: Now heartbroken from breaking up with my post-divorce first love, I wanted nothing to do with men. I stayed home and began to read, journal, and started to heal. On the nights my friends pulled me to go out, I came home early and went to bed.
And somewhere along this point, Saturday nights became all right. I still felt a pang of loneliness on the nights I would put the boys to bed, and I had no one to share my day with; however, journaling helped me have those conversations with myself. And through my blogs I will talk more about how you can journal and help yourself heal.
But until then, just know that Saturday nights will feel weird — and that's totally normal! One Saturday you will be flying high having a blast, and another you will feel so low that you don't want to leave your house. And if that's the case, shoot me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org to let me know what's going on. I'm here for you!
More divorce advice on YourTango!
- Dating After Divorce: What You Need To Know
- How To Move On From A Painful Breakup
- The Top 5 Mistakes That Lead To Divorce