These 3 Things Actually Cause Almost EVERY Fight You Have With Him

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Money, sex and kids are not what you're REALLY angry about.

As a marriage and family therapist, I've seen many couples over the past 14 years who are trying to work out surface problems, when in reality they need to address the problems underneath. 

What that means is — stop fighting about money, sex, and children. These are surface problems. Start to create understanding in the relationship by exploring (and resolving) the real issues underneath.

Couples who understand one another are more likely to stay together and have a reasonably happy relationship.

And isn't that what all of us ultimately want — to know that your partner has your back no matter what? his is what we all want.

Here are the three things that are usually the real issue below your surface fights:

1. You aren't showing appreciation. 


More than anything, we want our partner to 'get' us. This is core in a successful relationship. So, tell your partner what you appreciate and like about them. This helps create safety in the relationship and makes it easier to talk about the difficult stuff.

2. You're too set in your ways. 


Research shows it's important to accept influence from your partner and be open to their ideas. You need to make sacrifices for the relationship.

3. You don't compromise enough. 


When you don't compromise in a relationship you create the 'I win/you lose' scenario and you want the 'we win scenario.' Compromise is essential to creating a happy, fulfilling relationship. Don't keep score, you can't put a cap on compromise. 

Relationships take work, ask anyone who has been married for 50 years. It wasn't always easy, but they found a positive way to make it work.

Remember, as romance author Kate Stewart said, "The perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other."


For the past four years Lianne Avila has been dedicated to learning The Gottman Method and helping couples in her practice. For more help, please visit



This article was originally published at Reprinted with permission from the author.


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