You're no longer tied to your past.
As humans, we need confidence that we can move beyond our painful experiences. However, when we're in the middle of them, it can feel like our suffering will never end. Here are my top 3 ways on how you can regain your self confidence after divorce:
1. Cultivate Your Consciousness
If you're reacting to the circumstances around you, then you are causing yourself way too much pain, and if youre on automatic pilot, your confidence will elude you. Well, you may be confident in who and what is wrong, but you will swirl in a blame game that ultimately takes you nowhere. You can have a false sense of confidence that never takes you where you want to go, or you can bring awareness to your actions, bring awareness to your thoughts, and bring awareness to every single word you speak and discover the confidence blooming inside of you.
2. Create Connections
It's very common, and healthy to an extent, to turn inward while going through a crisis; however, it will backfire if you isolate yourself and avoid getting the support and help you need to move into your next expression. Friends and family can be a source of enormous support, but they may not be the best connections right now. They can be invested in you being happy or moving on at a pace that they think you should. It's normal.
They only do this for three reasons:
- They love you and don't like seeing you in pain.
- They don't like to feel the pain you're in.
- They don't want to think about going through the kind of pain they are watching you in.
It may be in your best interest to find some new connections. Here are some ideas.
Find a support group that you can share your story with. These are people who won't blame you for feeling sad — they understand, because they feel it too. One of the best things about a support group is that people are often in different stages of their healing process, so you get to receive support and give it to others. It's very empowering and helps you see that there is hope for moving through the pain.
Hire a coach (that would be me!) who can support you with loving compassion, give you new ways of thinking about your future that inspire, and enliven you and give you hope for your future. I'm a hand holder and a cheerleader that has also been through difficult times. I have resources and tips and tools to help you heal your heart faster, take back your power from the past, and move into a vibrant and juicy life. And there a lot of fabulous experts on YourTango to choose from!
Join a new community of like-minded people. This will bring new energy into your life and allow you to step outside of the past — even if only for a few hours each week. This could be a community of single parents (if you have kids) or a community that meets to do something they love. You get to explore a new passion or re-kindle one you gave up.
3. Change Your Level Of Compassion
If your inner-critic is screaming (or whispering) all the ways you are wrong, or bad or undeserving or if your inner-critic is bullying you into depression, then it's time to make a change. A daily dose of compassion is needed even in the best of circumstances. Ramp up the compassion (you can learn how to do this working with me — promise!). You have to have a boundary with that critic, because it's only going to wreak havoc on your self-esteem.
In order to regain your self confidence after divorce, you need to cultivate your consciousness, create new connections, and change your level of compassion. Raising your awareness will help you see what you're doing and how you can create a new experience for yourself. Meeting new people and getting support from people who can guide and mentor you will help you own the gifts of your experience leads to higher self-esteem, which leads to confidence. Being nice and gentle and loving with yourself — as if you were your own best friend — will help you know that you are not alone and that what you're going through is perfectly normal; you're not wrong. There's nothing wrong with you.
All three are needed to regain your self confidence after divorce or a breakup. If you want support regaining your confidence after divorce, then schedule a 20-minute consultation with Leila Reyes and she will help get you on the right track.
This article was originally published at Reclaim Yourself After Divorce. Reprinted with permission from the author.