Have you ever said to yourself, or out loud, how angry, hurt, or betrayed you have felt (or feel) about the way you were treated in past relationships, or perhaps in the one you are currently in? Do talk to your friends about all the things that are not right in your relationship with your husband, or what was wrong with your ex? Are you now, or have you ever found yourself holding him, or others responsible for your situation, or the way it made you feel? If you are, have you noticed how holding on to negative emotions about yourself, someone else, or anything for that matter, influences how you feel emotionally, physically and perhaps spiritually?
Negative emotions are an essential part of life, giving you invaluable information about how you are feeling relative to what you desire for yourself, and in your relationship with others. Without this disparity, we would never know what we truly want, or want to make better. (More about this in future articles).
Subsequently, your mind, heart, and body feel incredible stress when you resist or prolong forgiving, or being forgiven as this stressful state is not natural. Additionally, when you ‘hold on’ to justifiable anger, or any negative emotion, you do not allow yourself to learn, and grow from whatever it is that has made you feel uncomfortable.
Forgiveness is an act of forgiving the self, regardless who was less than kind. For example:
When you forgive yourself: you are forgiving yourself for the mistakes you made and acknowledging that these acts of unkindness were expressions of aspects of your personality that need healing (especially if you do not want to re-experience whatever it is again); they do not redefine the truth of who you are. Only you can do that.
Maybe out of your need to have whatever it is, you were not able to appreciate that the person you wanted something from, was unable to give it to you. The outcome: you end up feeling betrayed when he is unable to keep a promise, agreement, or live up to your expectations.
If the resistance of forgiveness is because of something you could not control or stop: get a witness to your emotional pain. Find someone you can trust, someone you know cares about you and tell them what happened. If needed, get professional assistance to help you through it. Then start identifying what you want for yourself instead, and begin to focus on whatever that is. Experience has shown me that as long as you keep repeatedly sharing your story of emotional pain, and getting validation for how awful it was, your ability to move forward is not an option for you. This is the Law of Attraction in action.
You have to want to choose a new attitude if you want to feel relief, and you have to want to leave your feelings about whatever it is in a place that gives you a peaceful mind, heart, and body so that when the memories cross your mind again, you are not thrown back into the past.
Having said that, if you are holding on, let go. Give, and if it applies, allow yourself to receive the gift of forgiveness. Start 2011 with your heart open, and ready to have the sweetest love in your life!