One crucial part of online dating is sending messages. But, while it's simple to send an email into cyberspace, it's not always as easy to obtain a response. However, there's a secret that not everyone employs: the follow up message. Why Humor Is Sexy: A Zoosk Study
In the world of cyber love, there are lots of factors that can deter a match from emailing you back:
More from YourTango: 5 Signs He's Definitely Into You (From Actual Guys)
- They're busy at the moment. You never know what's going on in other people's lives. It's a common misconception that if someone logs on, reads your email, clicks through to your profile and doesn't respond, it means they aren't interested in you. Not always the case! It may simply mean that they didn't have time to write you back right then, but might get to it later. Keep an open mind.
- Their dating calendar is full. Just because your match has an active profile doesn't mean he or she is actively dating. They may be checking messages, but their dance card might be full. When a dating calendar gets full, matches will sometimes wait a while to respond until things cool off and they're ready (and eager) to meet someone new.
- They don't pay. Most paid dating sites allow all members to have profiles, but only those who pay for a subscription can message. Just because someone showed up as a match and has logged on recently doesn't mean he or she is a full-fledged member who can reply to your messages.
- You got lost. If their inbox is a virtual hot spot, your message might have been buried or deleted before it was even read.
- Your profile wasn't good enough. If your photos were unclear or your text wasn't specific, you might not have made the cut.
This doesn't mean that all hope is lost! Online dating takes persistence, so send a follow up to get your match's attention. Since each scenario is different, below are the 3 most common ones my clients encounter and easy troubleshooting tips. The Hidden Dangers Of Online Dating
1. The 10/3 rule
If it's been more than 10 days since you emailed and they've logged on within the last three, it's ok to send a follow up. The goal is to keep it short and sweet — no negativity or guilt trips.
Let him or her know that you're still hoping to connect. However, be prepared for it to not always go your way. Your match might respond with, "Best of luck" ... or not at all. If they do read it and don't answer within a few days, at least there's closure and you know it wasn't simply a missed connection.
2. Revamp your stats
More from YourTango: 10 Surprising Things That Turn Men On
If it's been a while since you got a virtual update, think about uploading some new photos and revising your profile before reaching out again. Seeing a new digital impression often elicits responses from matches who may have previously passed you over. Compatibility 2012: eHarmony Versus HowAboutWe
3. Disappearing act