We always wondered...
The epidemic of guys sending unsolicited dick pics seems to be on the rise.
Hookup apps and online dating sites, as well as SnapChat and other social media platforms are making it easier than ever to deliver these visual assaults. By now, most of us have had an unwanted dick pic flash across our screens, especially if we're single.
Emily Sears, a model with 2.3 million Instagram followers receives them daily, so she decided to do something about it. Instead of simply deleting the dicks, she fired back by finding out who the guys are and forwarding their junk to the dude’s wife, girlfriend, or significant other, just to let them know about their man’s inappropriate activities.
So why the uptick in dick pics?
Instantly gratifying online porn has probably contributed to this influx in dick pic culture. Men think it turns women on to see dicks the same way they're turned on by seeing boobs. Problem is, men and women are often turned on by different things. While receiving a boob pic from a woman might make a man even more interested - in both the immediately gratifying hookup and even a relationship - women usually don’t have the same reaction to random photos of dicks.
The app style of dating is all about casual, immediately gratifying, text-style communication. It too easily allows for thoughtless, spontaneous, regrettable messages and photos.
What do dick pics say about the sender?
Men who send dick pics are generally not looking for a real and substantive relationship. They are, more often than not, looking for quick, immediate gratification, and no-strings-attached fun.
They often times have a hard time with self control and like spontaneity (or they wouldn't be sending a dick pic!). They may also be hoping for reciprocity. The danger is that many guys who do this send their pic to several women. It's often a numbers game. So ladies, do not feel special just because he sent you that pic, and DO NOT feel obligated to send a pic of you in return. It's also important to remember that guys often keep those reciprocated photos in their phone and computer for future alone time fun.
There are the guys who use these pics as a form of peacocking. In other words, they are advertising their assets and hoping to attract a woman in.
But what happened to the days 20 years ago when "flashers" were frowned upon and even arrested?
What do men have to say about sending dick pics?
I felt I had to ask some real-life men why they think guys send unsolicited dick pics. Their honest answers added some insight.
“The real reason guys send dick pics is because men are visual, and they don't realize that women aren't visual like men are. So men are attracted to the sexuality they visually see in a woman: her lips, eyes, breasts, hips, butt, etc. Most men aren't taught otherwise, so they assume female attraction works the same way and they'll be visually attracted to a man's physical sexuality, i.e. his penis.
Their attempt is to attract the woman by sending them a dick picture because they're attracted to the woman and they ultimately want love, companionship, belonging, and of course sex. It usually back-fires as women attraction does not work the same way and the woman gets creeped out and the guy loses the girl.
Blame biology, blame our failed education system, but don't hold it against the guy too much, he's just doing it cuz he wants you to like him and he thinks that's what'll work for you, cuz it's what works for him.”
And a very different opinion:
“It's actually a great filter. I do it to shake girls with low levels of interest. If a girl is really into you, she'll enjoy it, and if not, then you've just eliminated someone who's going to make you jump through hoops, or "court" her. Understand, I myself am not condoning sending pics as harassment, or to random women, but to FILTER girls I've already started communicating with in an amorous nature, yet still unsolicited. Does that make sense?”
This answer is shocking, so we asked Lance what he thought of Eric's answer:
"While I agree that pre-qualifying, or “filtering,” is essential when it comes to dating, I disagree that slapping her with a dick pic is the way to go. Even if you have already been communicating in an amorous way. What is your goal in sending a woman an unsolicited dick pic by way of filtering? Are you looking to see if she is a prude, is offended, gets angry, reciprocates with a pic of her boobs, is on board to skip the courting and immediately hook up?
Would you walk up to a woman at a bar and flash her as a form of filtering? Probably not. So why would you do it to a woman online?
Regardless of if your intention is harassment or not, it is harassment if the woman isn’t expecting it. If you really want to filter women with the dick pic method, how about asking her first- “hey, you want to see a dick pic?” At least then it’s her choice to be exposed to you exposing yourself as opposed to her potentially feeling assaulted."
The truth about women and hooking up:
It's important to remember that a woman can be down for a hookup or one night stand, and still be into consent. Not wanting unsolicited dick pics doesn't necessarily make her a prude or mean that she doesn't like casual sex.
It just means that she's looking for all of her sexual interactions to be consensual - including when she has a pic of someone's penis show up on her phone or computer.
*(full name used at his request)