Are vacations a smart last ditch effort to make or break your relationship?
You feel like you don't know each other anymore. You and your boyfriend have gone on divergent paths. You are no longer attracted to each other. You harbor resentment and anger. You feel like it's over. Before you end it, you may as well try the last resort. Literally. Here's your She Said/He Said opinion on how to save, or sweetly end, your relationship.
Get out of town together. Dedicate honest time and energy to each other and to the relationship. Remove the daily distractions that stress you out, drive a wedge between you and create friction by going on vacation together. Work, friends, family, social media, money — there are limitless stressors on our lives, which are sometimes reflected within our relationships. Strip all of that away and focus on what attracted you to each other in the first place, focus on your similarities, your commonalities, the things that you love about each other, all of the good things, and stop stressing about and fixating on the negative. What do you appreciate about each other? As hokey as it sounds, fill your mind, body and heart with love and positivity. Put some effort into your relationship again. Be sexy, thoughtful, loving and caring again.
Now, without all of the distractions and negative thoughts, can find your muted love and re-connect? No? Maybe you truly did change, at your core. Maybe your goals took divergent paths. Or maybe you had blinders on from the beginning, you ignored your true needs, and instead fell for the version of your partner who you wanted to see, and then reality checked you, you woke up and you realized that you were with a different person than you thought.
The last resort vacation date is where you put effort into your relationship again. You communicate. You voice your needs in a thoughtful and compassionate way. You experience new things together. You focus on each other. And if, at the end of the vacation, you realize that you just aren't a match, that's okay too because you can be confident in knowing that you tried, and at the end of the day you hopefully found love for each other, even if it's the love of friendship or respect, and not of a relationship partner.
Vacations have the wonderful ability to recharge individuals, but can they re-invigorate a relationship on the rocks? Believe it or not, amid the distraction of white sand beaches and the occasional umbrella drink, a new clarity can be found. A vacation, save-cation, or hail-mary-moon may not save your relationship, but it will surely clear up any foggy thoughts you may have had.
In theory, a save-cation is a way to drop the schedules and stresses of the day-to-day and just be. Be the couple that you are at your core. The couple you were when you first met that couldn't get enough of each other. Simplify your lives and relax with some sunshine, a cool breeze and a couple of cocktails.
Once you're there it's all about connecting. Can you still connect with each other on different levels, or does the way she incessantly plays with her hair prevent any chance of an amicable conversation? Are you present in the moment or still focused on the last time he forgot to take the trash out and put the seat down? The goal here is to be open-minded and make an honest effort to re-connect. So have fun and see if you can find the spark that brought you together to begin with.
If you've given it your all in an environment that breeds nothing but smiles and sunshine, the results from the vacation will tell you everything you need to know. If it's salvagable, you'll find yourselves bonding again and refreshing the romance instead of bickering over the most insignificant things. At the end of the day if you're unable to enjoy a getaway with the one you love, it might be time to get away from the one you love.
Where Should You Go?
L'Auberge Del Mar, just outside of San Diego, provided the perfect setting we needed to get away without having to fly half way across the country. Upon arrival we were greeted welcoming staff and even chocolate cupcakes. Moments after we stepped onto our balcony overlooking the ocean, a bottle of wine and fruit plate arrived at the door, which made for a perfect start to our little getaway.
Later at Kitchen 1540 we were treated to some of Executive Chef Brandon Fortunes signature dishes. We tried three appetizers including the Chef's favorite chicken 'n' dumplins and our taste buds were not disappointed at all. As far as entrees, the bacon wrapped pork was extremely tender and moist but my favorite dish was the delicately cooked, still smoking sea scallops. After so many well balanced dishes we had to balance out the desserts with a glass of Champagne before eventually calling it an evening.
The next day we strolled a couple blocks down the street to Place 360 for a couples massage. Once inside the smells took over and the aroma of steeping tea and the comfortable lobby couches almost had us too relaxed before the treatment began. Soon the soothing nature sounds and essential oils refueled our bodies as we were whisked away to our private room for a couples massage. In an effort to extend our ultimate relaxation experience we returned to the hotel for a little sun and poolside sangria.
Later that evening, a sunset stroll on the beach was exactly what we needed to clear our minds and remember why we first fell in love to begin with. So regardless of what we decided, we knew that our feelings were real and our love for each other would always, in some way, remain.