Only you can decide when you're ready for things to get physical.
Men and women tend to have different perspectives when it comes to love and dating. If you want to know both sides, you've come to the right place. Laurel House (She Said) is a "Screwing The Rules" international Dating Coach and Flirting Expert, and Steve Hansen (He Said) is a Wing Man and Perspective Expert and we are your new go-tos for all things dating, sex, and relationships.
If YOU want to have sex on the first date, then do it. Sex is a personal and private matter and not something that someone else can dictate. In fact, no one should have power or influence over your decision as to whether or not you should have sex on the first date, fifth date, 90th day of dating, or your wedding day — not your best friend, your mom, your mentor or your partner. Only you can make the decision as to when the time is right for you.
Want to have sex on your first date?
That's fine. There are couples who have sex on the first date and end up in totally healthy, enduring relationships that lead to happy and fulfilling marriages; there are those who had sex on the first date and never spoke again; there are those who waited until they were in a committed relationship and broke up after a few months; there are still others who never have sex and don't go beyond date eight.
But if you want to improve your chances that he will respect you afterward and will want to have a relationship with you, then I suggest that you make sure there is emotional intimacy BEFORE physical intimacy.
So what's the rhyme and reason? There isn't one. Here are the facts:
- Most first dates don't turn into relationships.
- Having sex once in a committed relationship doesn't guarantee that you'll stay together.
- Having sex is an emotional and physical act that can help bond your connection and simultaneously be a lot of fun.
Here are the Do's and Don'ts when it comes to sex:
- DO Have protected sex- Use a condom.
- DO Protect yourself emotionally. Communicate your honest expectations before the deed is done.
- DO Prequalify him first. Ask the right questions, get emotionally raw, be authentic and get to know each other on a deep level.
- DO Open your mouth before you open your legs. Communicate. Talk about your dating purpose so you can gauge if you're on the same page.
- DO Have fun and let go! If you're not going to be there emotionally, don't go there physically. Either commit full on to the act or save it for later. Make a decision, which means to decide yes or no, not "I don't know... I guess ok."
- DON'T Feel pressured. ONLY have sex if YOU really want to have sex. It's your decision.
- DON'T Regret. If you're going to regret it, don't do it! If you are questioning if you should do it and you feel like you should stop it — don't have sex!
- DON'T Assume you're in a relationship after. If you know that you normally become attached after you have sex, then don't have sex yet!
Sex can be an emotional glue. But if you're not comfortable going there yet, then don't.
Laurel really hit the nail on the head with this one. Sex is very much a personal choice, much like religion. No one is as qualified to make a decision about it as you are. If sex is all you're looking for and you've communicated that with your date then, so be it. But like She said, be safe and be smart about it. If you're too afraid to ask them about STDs and how they feel about using contraceptives, then you might want to postpone the plunge a little longer.
One of the biggest regrets most people find themselves with is having sex for the wrong reasons. Don't have sex to keep a relationship together or because you feel pressured. Do it because it's what you want and it feels right. If your intuition is hesitant about the decision and something feels off — trust yourself: something is probably off. You know you better than anyone else. If you're a serial monogamist, then waiting until you're in a committed relationship makes sense. But if you're just looking to have a fun time and let go, then by all means do it.
So if you're still not sure what to do, ask yourself this question: "Am I sober?" Whether you're sober or not makes a huge difference in decisions being made, and even more so when it comes to poor late night choices after you've had a little too much to drink. If you're coherent and in the right state of mind, you're more likely to make a decision you won't soon regret.
After all, sex can be amazing on so many levels and it's natural to want it. In a lot of cases, it happens when two people feel so deeply connected emotionally that they want to connect on a physical level as well. Just make sure when you decide to say yes, you both know exactly what's expected and are prepared to move forward free of regrets.
To find out more about Laurel, read here.