Divorce is hugely stressful with money being a central player orchestrating most of the drama. Money stress is often a key contributor leading to divorce. These days, money often dictates how long people stay together, unofficially separated, before they can afford to get divorced. If you are in the middle of your divorce, you know that most of the long, drawn-out legal arguments revolve around money. Divorce can be devastating, but the reality is that the process of divorce is primarily focused on the division of assets (and of responsibilities, if you have children). All of the emotions you are experiencing related to the breakup of your marriage mean absolutely nothing in a court of law. In fact, you might actually be placing yourself in a worse financial position if you aren't negotiating with clarity about what's most important to you.
So, here are some hard-won, lessons-learned through the divorce experiences of myself and my clients. Hopefully you will be happier AND have more money in your pocket after your divorce.
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1. Let Go or Pay the Price
The hard reality is that divorce is an impersonal transaction. The law doesn't care about who did what to whom, and the law is not focused on what is fair. It is focused on what is equitable based on precedents and guidelines established long before you arrived at the courthouse. Any hurt, anger or entitlement you are feeling about your ex, or the situation you're in, will not serve you in this process—it will actually cost you money. Remember, every minute your attorney is spending on your behalf is costing you money. There are limits to what the law will allow, so trying to push beyond those limits will be fruitless, time-consuming and expensive—something you might not want to hear and something your lawyer might not want to tell you. None of your negative emotions will get resolved through your divorce. All the hurt and rage focused on your ex is just a time-consuming, costly distraction away from the bigger picture. This divorce is about YOU and building a new life for yourself—focus on the bigger picture. Find out what the law will allow. Don't waste precious time and money on fighting for something that doesn't exist. Create a clear vision of what you want for yourself when this is all over. Having a clear vision is essential in helping you make better decisions and negotiate a better future for yourself. Keep reading...
For More Divorce Advice from YourTango:
- How To Divorce-Proof Your Marriage
- The Top 5 Mistakes That Lead To Divorce
- Dating After Divorce: What You Need To Know