It wasn’t too long ago that my phone rang and my good friend shared with me that one of the fathers in our town; the father of one our kids’ friends has been having an affair. She was almost breathless with excitement as she shared the story with me and I became increasingly uncomfortable hearing about the crumbling of this marriage taking place in the fishbowl of our suburban community.
Anyone that knows me knows that I am passionate about creating and sustaining extraordinary love and that I have devoted myself to supporting individuals on their journey through and forward after divorce. I am NOT a person who will derive pleasure from or in any celebrate, judge or publicize the demise of a marriage; no matter what the circumstance.
More from YourTango: 5 Encouraging Lessons From Divorce & Cancer Recovery
I am an Intentional Love Strategist and Divorce Expert, and believe me, I have heard it all. But despite everything I have heard, experienced or know to be true, I still love men and believe in extraordinary and committed love.
More from YourTango: The Three Words that will Sabotage any New Relationship
Along the way I have worked with and spoken to hundreds of men and women who have been affected by divorce and experienced the pain of infidelity, and regardless of each unique situation, here are the six truths I have learned to be true about infidelity:
- Infidelity never comes out of “nowhere”
Time and time again I have heard people say “I never saw it coming”; and I am sure that they never did. Even though there had to be signs, perhaps subtle, along the way. But, infidelity rarely happens spontaneously. Most often there is something going on in the relationship, perhaps an unmet need, a personal challenge, an inner struggle or a feeling of vulnerability that is not openly and honestly spoken about. Relationships and marriages are not always built on a “safe” foundation where talking about difficult relationship issues is done in a healthy way, and usually both individuals contribute to developing these unhealthy patterns. Therefore, the fear of what might happen if one does share openly and honestly can convince us that it is better to simply navigate our feelings alone; which can lead to making unintentional, and poor choices. Please do not read this as an excuse, but rather an explanation of what can happen in a relationship that does not have a foundation of strong and honest communication.