Dating With Confidence


Dating With Confidence

What is confidence?  Men and women of all ages throw out this word time and time again as something they are looking for in a mate and is the number one element both men and women find attractive in one another.    People desire for one another to be comfortable in their own skin, sexy and solid in knowing who they are.   It could look like something as simple as putting on a pair of heels to gain a sexy swagger, smiling at a man in a coffee shop to invite conversation or being at ease and enjoying a date.  When you feel confident, you attract love and opportunity in your life. 

But feeling secure when it comes to dating is easier said than done.  It doesn’t matter if you are young trying to find a husband, middle aged and never been married or back on the market after being married for 10 years.  All stages have its challenges but if you feel good about yourself and know what you want, finding love and dating can be a lot easier.  One of the most universal problems I see happening with both men and women these days is that they want to find love and they want it now.  This is a technical world of instant gratification achieved through emails, texting, social media and television.  We as a society on some level feel entitled to that when it comes to finding a partner.  But that sense urgency, eagerness and hyper-focus on finding the right person always backfires.  Slow down and take the time to clarify what you want and you will find the love you are looking for and be more secure with who you are.  To get started, follow these three easy tips so you can be on your way in feeling “dating confident.”

Rule number one:  Stop, Slow Down and Focus on YOU.   Think of this metaphor.  If you are running a marathon and you want to get to the finish line, you can’t sprint to the end.  You’ll hurt yourself and fall short.  Rather, you need to train, get your body in shape, run at a decent pace and notice your surroundings.   That is what I help clients do…train for the marathon so they can feel good about themselves and get to the finish line.  Observe your environment and notice who and what is in it.  Create an energy that invites people towards you and position your body to be open and available.  For example, do you know what men are looking at you?  Pause as you walk in a room and lazily scan for someone, and then walk slow and sexy noticing who and what is around you.  Get rid of your tunnel vision!

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Kimberly Seltzer

Dating Coach

Think Hitch meets What Not To Wear.  That's me. Whether it's putting on a new pair of shoes, watching you flirt with a guy in a grocery store or matching you, it's all about feeling good about yourself so you can attract that right person and opportunities in your life!  Sign up for my free Body Type booklet and newsletter at and connect with me at

Location: Beverly Hills, CA
Credentials: LCSW
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