How saying 'thank you' can save your relationship.
Accepting a compliment, especially from a man, has never been easy for me. In fact, I probably spent most of my life shutting their compliments down before they could even get the words out. "You look amazing," he would say. My response: "Oh god, what are you looking at? You need to get your eyes checked." 5 Ways To OWN Your Hot, Sexy Ball-Of-Fire Body
"You have such a cute figure." "Yeah right! Have you seen the cellulite on the back of my ass or my flabby thighs? Yuck!" "That color looks great on you." "Sure. Whatever you say, this is all I had in my closet that didn’t make me look horrible." If you are a woman shaking your head thinking, "Wow, I do that. That's how I respond to his compliments," you may be ruining your relationship.
Think about it. Why would any man want to be around someone who can't accept a compliment? When a woman has a hard time accepting a man's love and praise, it gets old quick. For starters, it usually means that the woman they are complimenting is seriously insecure, and being insecure means he has to constantly reassure her. Constantly reassuring her is a royal pain in the ass.
The truth is, you do not have to agree with his compliment. Hell, you don't even have to believe it, but you do have to graciously accept it. Why? Because by shutting him down, you are not only "emotionally castrating" him, you are inadvertently calling him a liar. Ahem, essentially you are acting like a total bitch! There, I said it. How To Train Your Man [VIDEO]
So, if you are one of those women who complains to your girlfriend that your husband or boyfriend never tells you how beautiful, sexy, smart, or (insert adjective) you are anymore, maybe you should take note or recall how you reacted toward his loving words when he was expressing his feelings to you.
So, what can you do to shift this and to avoid unconsciously slapping down the man you love?
1. Learn to take a compliment.
When he offers you a compliment, smile and say thank you, even if you don't believe a word of it. Remember, it doesn't matter what you think, it's the way they feel and they are entitled to their thoughts, just as you are. This is easier said than done but with some practice, it's definitely possible, and honestly, once you start accepting his "truth," your relationship will flourish. 4 Ways To Finally Get Over Your Body Insecurities FOR-EV-ER
2. Learn to love and compliment yourself.
I know you might be thinking, "Yeah right. Loving myself is impossible." I used to think that too but the reality is, once you can lighten up and learn to appreciate and love yourself, then and only then can you truly, wholeheartedly love someone else. 4 Ways To Not Annoy Your Man
Barbara De Angelis said, "If you aren't good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone, since you'll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren't even giving to yourself." I couldn't have said it better.
3. Understand that you have no control over what other people say, think, or feel.
Listen, your man has his own perception of the world, as do you. Devaluing his feelings and thoughts is not loving, in fact, it can make you look straight evil and undesirable. I think you get the point. So, the next time your man, or anyone for that matter, pays you a compliment, I want you to do the following: Stop, Drop and Appreciate. 3 Simple Steps For Lasting Love
Stop yourself from shutting him down. In fact, practice saying nothing at all. Drop the thought that he is crazy because you don't believe his words. Remember, it's your perception versus his. And last but least, appreciate his words by accepting his compliment with a simple, yet highly effective, "Thank you." Isn't your relationship worth the effort in changing this bad habit?
If you are still having trouble accepting a compliment and know that you have some insecurities you need to let go of, I can help. Treat yourself to a breakthrough session or join some other fabulous women this May as I teach them how to rediscover and empower their inner vixen, their feminine alter ego that is definitely more than happy to eat up all the compliments the world or men have to offer them. 20 Ways To Amp Up The Love In Your Relationship
Got questions about online dating? Tune in next week when YourTango Experts presents Online Dating Bootcamp, a 14-day intensive about online dating featuring articles from your favorite YourTango Experts, including Joe Amoia, Laurie Davis, Rick Clemons, Larry Cappel, Julianne Canatrella and many more!
To Read Great Relationship Advice: