Technology is here to stay....but it can get in the way of your love life.
Technology is here to stay. I get it. It has vastly improved innumerable aspects of our lives and I’m grateful. However, the one area it can get in the way is in your love life.
A few years ago I was on a (really good!) date with a man. The date was so fun and the guy was a real king. Great conversation, chivalrous, complimentary – the whole deal. As I reflected on the date the next day, I realized every time he took a bathroom break – he was gone for a long time.
Then it dawned on me. This guy wasn’t fussing getting his hair perfect; he was on his phone checking messages – ugh!
I admit, I’m on my computer for long periods of time. My entire business revolves around it being that way. However, I intentionally have not purchased a laptop, cell phone or any other gadgets that would require me to be connected to technology outside my home.
In fact, I relish events and business trips I have to travel for so I can take a break from technology. I love having this “tech free” time to ponder and allow creative thoughts and ideas to flow. And, BE present to my surroundings.
So, when I’m on a date with a man who treats his cell phone like another limb on his body while we’re together, it’s pretty frustrating. And I know it’s this way for you too.
Why is this such a grrr moment for every woman?
Checking emails while in the energy of a date – even if he’s in the bathroom doing this – is the equivalent of plopping his computer on the table between your wine glass and the breadbasket. He’s essentially “left” the date.
It leaves you like a “sitting duck”, open for any danger to come your way unprotected. How important would those emails be if armed gunmen come in and robbed you? You can bet your bippy that he would feel like a complete shmuck if that happened.
On my date, we happened to be at a restaurant where there was a nightclub attached. When he was off checking messages, other men were coming up to chat with me. If I want to spend a night fending off pesky guys I have no interest in, I can do that anytime with my gal pals – not what I want to be dealing with while I’m already on a date!
Second, it reveals addictive behavior. If he can’t wait a couple of hours to get his email “fix” – where else is that showing up in his life? If you’ve ever been in a relationship with someone addicted to drugs/ alcohol/ gambling, you know how the addiction becomes almost like a mistress. Everything in an addict’s life becomes secondary (including you).
Plus, if he’s this distracted on a first date – you’re already envisioning how much worse it will get once you’re in a relationship.
Third, when a guy is focused on his technology rather then you, it just flat out hurts. Your sitting there wondering what email can be so earth shatteringly more important then sitting with an attractive, fun woman like yourself?
It’s never a good idea for a man to take his attention off of a woman. It’s too risky because we require so much of it. You can sense when a man’s attention is directed somewhere else – potentially kicking up a host of insecurities for you. Who is he texting/ talking to? Is he a player?
So how can you get his attention OFF his cell phone and back on YOU?
Every man – including awesome, aware men – can unintentionally offend us through words or actions. Men need to know when their doing something that makes you unhappy. They can’t read your mind – and often – can only slightly see by your face you’re not pleased about something.
And, it’s awkward trying to figure out how to graciously let a man know his tech habits bother you, yes?
So, the best course of action is to be straight, clear and overt by sharing how it feels when he does this. Read below for a great way to get the conversation started and steer his attention away from his phone – and back on YOU.
Guy: “Hey, is everything all right?”
You: “Well, everything has been great so far tonight and I really appreciate you making such a wonderful choice with the restaurant. The only thing is, every time you go to the washroom, you seem to be taking a long time and I get the sense you’re on your phone either checking messages or talking to someone else. I just want you to know If we’re going to continue on to a second date – it’s not cool with me you do that.
Guy: “Ummm, ok.”
You: “I know my sharing this is creating a bit of awkwardness. But, I’m sure you would prefer I tell my truth, rather then not saying anything, right?”
You: “Awesome. Your not a wrong guy that you do that, it’s just I’m the kind of woman who appreciates a man who knows how to keep his attention on me. You’ve already demonstrated you do that really well in every way tonight. Even though your not on the phone in front of me, I can feel your attention elsewhere. Thanks for hearing me out and giving me the space to be honest – I appreciate you for doing that.”
Guy: “Ok, thanks for being honest. Wanna go dancing?!”
You can see you’re not making him wrong or coming from a place of anger. In fact, you’ll notice how to always start with giving him some form of appreciation. This way, he energetically stays open – making it easier to hear what your truth is.
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