The Holiday’s may be over but, if you’re single, you might still be feeling the sting after being backed into a corner at family gatherings and forced to answer the question; “Why are you still single?” Ouch! Friends, family and co-workers have no idea their committing a major social faux pas and how uncomfortable it makes you feel. So today, I’m sharing insights and tips for both those asking this question and those on the receiving end.
I’m passionate about shedding light on this because, as a coach, it’s the most common issue clients want help with come January when sessions resume. I have to admit, nothing ignites the protective Mama Bear in me more after a day of listening to women share the pain activated from relatives and friends making this social blunder during the Holiday season.
For friends, co-workers and family members asking “Why are you still single?”:
I understand you may think you’re being supportive, in reality it has the opposite effect. For one, if they knew why they were single, they probably wouldn’t still be single, yes? Awareness brings healing and that healing is what clears the path to create the opening for a soulmate to arrive on their doorstep. The awareness has not happened yet so you’re asking a question (you now know) they don’t have an answer to.
Secondly, it’s painfully awkward. For example, how would you respond if someone from your social circle asked: “I don’t understand why you’ve put on so much weight?” Pretty offensive, right? The same feelings of, shame, anger and defensiveness get kicked up for a single people when they’re backed into a corner and forced to respond to a similar question about their relationship status.
And lastly, you’re most likely asking this question from a place that implies there IS something wrong if you’re NOT in a relationship. Please know, it’s not very kind to place judgement or your own beliefs about what the “ideal” is onto another person.
Read on for more about this...
For Single People:
There are as many reasons as stars in the sky why you’re unattached at the moment. You could be taking a break to get to know more about what you want, “shopping” around or working with a coach to deal with some deeper issues.
Even if you are powerfully choosing to fully enjoy time on your own right now - in a weak moment and asked in the wrong way – “Why are you still single?” can easily send you into a downward spiral.
Often people make this social faux pas because their actually projecting their own life and relationship issues/fears/concerns ON to you. From what I’ve observed, this is the case 99% of the time. When someone is in pain and not ready to deal with it, the easiest way to avoid the pain is to distract themselves by focusing on another person’s issues instead – in this case – your relationship status.
The GREAT news, I’ve developed the perfect, classy way for YOU to respond to this insensitive question. Read below for a foolproof method guaranteed to put people in their place and walk away with your head held high.
Step 1 Don’t freeze
Instead, take a breath and remember this person is projecting their own fears about relationships ON to you. It’s not your responsibility to take on someone else’s “stuff”. So just breathe and smile.
Step 2 Up Your Vibe
Tap into the most joyous, happy feelings you can muster in the moment. If you like, envision an invisible shield around you all glowing, golden and warm – know you are loved.