to the YourTango newsletter!

Continue to Site »»

ProConnect

Are You Dating An Addict? 3 Ways To Cope

By . Posted on .

Are You Dating An Addict? 3 Ways To Cope [EXPERT]
Unfortunately, you can't force someone into sobriety.
While you can't cure his addiction, you can cope with it. Here's how.

No person can actually cure another person's addiction; they have to recognize they have lost power over their own behavior and recognize the need to change. There are some experts who will recommend you either make them quit or you leave. This may work temporarily, but if the motivation to change is not internally motivated, there will be no lasting change.

This plan can even backfire; your boyfriend may just shrug his shoulders as you walk out the door, sending the clear message that his addiction has priority over any relationship he has with you.The good news is you always have at least three options in any relationship. 5 Ways We Sabotage Our Relationships

More from YourTango: Forgiveness

1.You can try to change yourself, so you can adjust better to the situation. You can't try to change him by nagging, complaining, blaming, criticizing, threatening, or leaving because that shows you are trying to create change from the outside in and that isn't how it happens for the long-term. You can stop any enabling behavior you may be engaging in. You can change your perception of things and you can also adjust what you want to more closely fit the situation.

2. If changing it doesn't work, then you have the option of accepting it. Many will ask, "How can I accept the fact my boyfriend has an addiction?" If you are confronted with that reality every day, I don't see how you can't accept it; it's the truth and your current reality.

Accepting it doesn't mean you like it or condone it. Accepting it simply means you recognize it's the fact of the situation and that your boyfriend has the right to choose to live his life any way he chooses. If he chooses to lose himself in an addiction, that is a choice he has the right to make.

More from YourTango: 10 Relationship Lessons From Dr. William Glasser

Does it hurt other people? Probably, but I would say if others, including you, are hurt by someone else's behavior, then that is your problem and not the problem of the addict. You are the one who is unhappy so it is up to you to do something about it.

More relationship advice from YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Kim Olver

Speaker/Presenter

Kim Olver, LCPC, has been featured in Whole Living, Women's World, Fitness Magazine and Counseling Today and is the best-selling, award winning author of Secrets of Happy Couples: Loving Yourself, Your Partner, and Your Life.

Connect with Kim by signing up for her FREE InsideOut Relationship Advice Newsletter and receive a FREE recording about our Life Changing Process, InsideOut Empowerment and have access to FREE relationship assessments.

Check out new products that might be for you in my Webstore

Location: Country Club Hills (Chicago), IL
Credentials: LCPC, MS, NCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Empowering Women
Other Articles/News by Kim Olver:

Forgiveness

By

Forgiveness is a topic that gets a lot of attention. Most people would agree that forgiving others is a good thing to do but why? First we need an agreed upon definition of forgiveness. Some people say that to forgive means you let go of the hurt, anger and frustration caused by another individual. It is definitely important to let go of hurt, anger and ... Read more

10 Relationship Lessons From Dr. William Glasser

By

Today is my mentor's 88th birthday and I want to take this occasion to publically record the lessons I've learned from him in my life. Dr. William Glasser is the creator of Choice Theory and Reality Therapy. The most important thing for health and happiness is positive, strong relationships in one's life. When I want to argue about being ... Read more

Is Your Relationship The Reason For Your Depression?

By

According to PsychCentral, new research finds that some people are better off not having a spouse than being in a poor relationship. Furthermore, people in bad relationships had more than double the risk of depression than those with the best relationships. The interesting thing is that most of the psychological community would believe that you are ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Tux

Molding Gentlemen: What Attracts A Man To A Woman

3 feminine qualities that make men feel comfortable coming closer

empty nest: relationship advice for parents and their adult children

No More Empty Nest: When Your Adult Children Move Back Home

Your kids graduated school and now they're moving back home ... now what?

Blues

I Was Married To A Bipolar Sociopath

Breaking Free From a Family History of Domestic Abuse

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS