In the real world red flags, lights and signs mean stop. In the dating world they mean the same.
In the real world red flags, lights and signs mean stop. In the dating world they mean the same. Yet most of us are more daring in dating than we are in life. Or perhaps we just have not fully embraced the wisdom that red flags mean stop; they do not mean proceed with caution.
Yet for whatever reason so many of us don’t stop, we continue, most often without caution, some of us even enter blindly into the red zone.
Why do we do this?
Why do we ignore red flags in dating?
Why do we ignore our intuition, our better sense and what prior experience has taught us?
Perhaps partly because we have not definitively identified what red flags look like, to us. While my red flag may be your yellow, or perhaps even someone else’s green; fact of the matter is that we are all different. We all have different needs and different desires. One thing, however, is for certain; there are some key characteristics and character traits in dating that shouldn’t be ignored.
So if your tired of entering into the red zone only to be taken out by heartbreak and disappointment, pay attention and read below.
Here are 6 Red Flags that shouldn’t be ignored.
1. He lies. Big or little. Whether he says he went to bed at 9 or stayed up playing video games till 1. A lie is a lie, and there are very few times they are ever acceptable. Lying is so important to take notice of because if someone lies about little things, they most likely are lying about the big important things too. Lying in a relationship can create a major lack of trust and a lack of trust will either end a relationship, or make the two people in it feel crazy. So if he lies, stop, do not proceed with caution.
2. He’s a drinker. Notice I did not say he ‘drinks.” Granted some people can handle their alcohol better than others, and some just really enjoy beer, wine or a good gin. Yet ladies beware, know what feels like ‘too much’ in your own life and in your relationship. Alcoholism is a very serious, and progressive need I remind you, disease. If he drinks a lot now, chances are he will drink even more later in life. Think about his health, your well-being and the life of your future children if that’s the kind of future you are looking towards.
3. He doesn’t respect his mother. The woman who gave him birth, no matter what his relationship with her, there must always be a matter of respect between a son and his mother in order for him to have an appreciation for other women. He does not have to like her, or even have a relationship with her. Truthfuly there are some people who we simply cannot have in our lives. Yet as a son, for the woman that gave him life, a sense of respect is very important.
4. He’s secretive. Passcodes on his phone and computer? Does he block you on social media and refuse to share aspects of his life with you with you? If he is going to be in your life (and in you) then you deserve to be in his as well. If someone has nothing to hide, then they won’t. And if they do, it will become quite obvious fast. Inquire at the first glance of this red flag, if the explanation does not sit right then run, don’t walk, away.
5. He doesn’t follow though. How annoying is it when a girl friend or family member makes promises they don’t keep. Now give that empty promise some steroids and protein powder. That is the power of an empty promise in a romantic relationship. When someone doesn’t call, or plan or show up when they say they will, they are saying one of two things. First they are saying I don’t have integrity Secondly they are saying, if I don’t honor my own integrity, I sure as hell don’t care about yours. Red flag numero 5
6. The company he keeps. Jim Rohn says “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” If you don’t like his friends, or family, chances are soon enough, you will also no longer like him. I once had an ex say to me “You don’t like my friends and I don’t understand yours.” He was insightful and right. Needless to say your relationship is a whole lot more than just the person you date.
They say ignorance is ‘bliss.’ And it can be, until it breaks your heart. Yet here you have, 6 Red Flags, waving brightly, in no particular numerical order. Do what you will with this info and insights. Use these as guidelines to learn what really works and doesn’t work for you. However most importantly remember when to move forward, when to proceed with caution and when to stop any and all relationships that don’t feel right to you.