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Do Not Reply: Amazing Messages From Online Dating Weirdos


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So many creepers, so little room in my inbox.
"My only condition is every time we kiss you wear a wolf mask. Deal?"

Online dating: who hasn't done it, or knows someone who knows someone who met their husband/wife through the internet? Whether you're seriously searching or casually browsing, there are definitely and obviously some "do's and don'ts"  when it comes to the world of online dating. Here are the non-negotiable, tried-and-true "how not to act while dating online" behaviors — have you encountered any of them?

1. Don't be a weirdo. If you act creepy, your chances of a response are slim to none. And, even if you are trying to be funny, remember that translation of tone over email is tough. 

More from YourTango: The Weird Thing That Ruins Your Date (Plus, 5 Ways To Avoid It)

"My only condition is every time we kiss you wear a wolf mask.  Deal?" —Match, 44 (Gross! Isn't there a site for "furries" anyway?)

2. Don't be a pervert. We understand men are visual, and, yes, pictures should be posted on your profile. However, when browsing for a date, you can look, but you shouldn't try to touch. And I believe most women would agree with me when I say that there is no need to comment in a lewd or crass way about what you see.

"Why have you removed your bikini picture :). Great Abs. I said myself "Jesus Christ" that was such a glorious creation...." —EHarmony, 33

3. Don't be too upfront. Not everyone online is looking to just hook up. So, even if you are, at least be charming for the first couple of interactions. 

"You're cute and I want to do dirty things to your body. Anyway you seem like a pretty cool person, I'd love to get together sometime and let you cook for me" —OkCupid, 31

4. Don't be random. While anyone appreciates a good "warning," the following messages makes for an awkward response. To ignore or to not ignore... also, would you please use spellcheck?

"How are you? I'm Txxx have 6 days left on my account. World like to get to know you. Hit me up of interested. Also wanted to let you know upfront i have braces. Have a good day" —EHarmony, 29 (Did this guy really expect a response?!)

5. Don't be overly confident. There are millions of people online. What makes you think you're so great? Plus, how about not complimenting yourself while emailing a potential date?

"I think you're pretty pretty. Get back to me when you wanna meet someone truly interesting." —Match, 27

6. Don't be impatient. While those online most likely are looking for a potential partner, be patient. If you don't get the response you want (or no response at all), move on; there are plenty of fish in the sea. Hopefully, none of which will end up with this piranha:

[SUBJECT LINE] Say it like it is, Be a real woman and respond!
Hello lady,
Although I winked at you because of my admiration for you, But you ignored me?
Are you kidding me???
Am a very picky but I want you! —Match, 37

Wow. With all that being said (and a few good laughs had), let's remember to keep it cool and aim for happy dating. In the meantime, let's have fun! Leave a comment with your craziest, worst, weirdest online dating messages. Can you top these over-the-top examples?

More from YourTango: Can He Handle A Relationship?

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Article contributed by
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Kelsea Brennan

Life Coach

With Lots of Love,

~ Kelsea 

Location: Los Angeles, CA
Credentials: Other
Other Articles/News by Kelsea Brennan:

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