See how a May-December relationship went horribly wrong and the costs associated with that loss.
There was a big controversy this weekend involving V. Stiviano and Los Angeles Clippers owner, Donald Sterling. While most have focused on the alleged racist remarks by Sterling, I have decided to focus on the dynamics of their relationship and how it led to his lifetime ban from the NBA.
Their relationship was the classic Sugar Daddy-Sugar Baby relationship— each side expects their needs to be met. Ms. Stiviano clearly enjoyed living the FAB life, while Mr. Sterling loved having her courtside at games and in the bedroom.
The dynamics of this relationship type is as follows: The Sugar Baby knows full well from the start of her arrangement that she is expected to meet her man's needs-whatever they might be. The pair will fully disclose what is expected of one another before things get serious. Many Sugar Daddies are married and have families of their own. These men don't plan on divorcing wives, relocating, or marrying their Sugar Babies. For some men, the arrangement is nothing more than a hobby that makes them feel good knowing they are helping others and getting sex in return. Sugar Babies are happy to be the one chosen to put a smile on their Sugar Daddies faces and don't mind assisting their men in whatever way they deem feels and looks right to them.
I know you may be asking yourself, why would she be drawn to this 80-year-old man?
According to an Ebony magazine article on Why Women Fall for Powerful Men, not only is it a self-esteem booster, but also because she never have this type of strong male presence in her household. Having the sense of security is comforting especially when you add a 1.8 million dollar condo and various luxury automobiles at her disposal.
I was very intrigued on how this Sugar Daddy-Sugar Baby relationship got to a place where she would allegedly expose him on TMZ and lose the life she was accustomed to living? Here are four of my possible theories...
1. She could no longer take his jealous antics.
According to the audiotape obtained by TMZ, Sterling was clearly annoyed by the fact that she was constantly posting pictures of herself with various (black) men on Instragram. Sterling stated, "How about your whole life, everyday, you can do whatever you want. You can sleep with them, you can bring them in, whenever you want. The little I ask you is not to promote it on that and not to bring them to my games."
2. She wanted to gain some self-esteem.
Ms. Stiviano never told Donald Sterling her race. She stated, "You know I'm mixed! I'm black and mexican and you are in love with me." By revealing her race, he would either have to change his views on people and cultures besides himself, or she would have to leave because ultimately their arrangement would become more transactional than respectful.
3. She was tired of being controlled.
Sterling is the classic angry Sugar Daddy, who may have long been left behind by ex wives, girlfriends, relatives, and friends, will use young women for whatever they want until they tire of them. He was one that was clearly easily irritated, had others monitor her whereabouts, and he basically disrespected her by calling her stupid and unaware "how the world works." And I wouldn't put it passed him that he threatened to cut her off financially and take back the gifts." Or he had his wife do it.
4. She wants what we all want in "true" relationships.
In the end, Stiviano wants what we all want in real relationships. Whether it's a May-December relationship or a traditional relationship they way it's going to work is if there is communication and trust, genuine feelings for one another, and things in common and is it a true partnership.
Since she didn't have any of those things, there was only one thing she could do: expose him for the racist he really was.