There are going to be times when one spouse just isn't in the mood. Find out why.
First, I hope you know what you did was immature based on keeping a running tally of your sexless encounters with your wife on a spreadsheet and sending it to her in an e-mail. Now that e-mail has gone viral and was published in the Huffington Post.
Secondly, it's understandable to be frustrated with your wife, especially since you never really had to work that hard before. Sure, you remember the times before you were married when a drunken evening never stopped you from having good sex. Or the times when she wanted you so bad, she beat you to the bedroom. Finally, I know how hard it has been for you as a 26 year-old virile man feeling that you have to beg your wife for sex. Like sexual cement, you can remember vividly how connected you felt when you had sex like two puzzle pieces coming together. I get it!
Honestly, your sex life might never be as it once was, especially when and if the children come. Women today have more worries than ever before that can contribute to the lack of sex in the bedroom. But let me ask you, "What is the reasonable amount sex you want to have with your wife in a given month?" Once you've figured that out, here are 5 things you must do to get back on track sexually:
- Say Sorry: Since you were the one that put your wife on blast, you should apologize for your actions. In the team concept, there is no "I" in team. So if you are ultimately hurting, then your wife is hurting also. The two of you won't be able to move forward without acknowledging the pain that was caused.
- Acknowledge Your Feelings: We as men have a tendency to act out our feelings. Elsewhere, instead of becoming vulnerable to spouse. You must communicate how importance sex is to maintaining a strong partnership.
- Listen To Her Issues: I know you're saying to yourself, "I'm the one with the issues." Honestly, some of the words your wife used like "gross" indicate that she might not be all the way comfortable with how she looks, or your wife may be ill and she doesn't even realize it. I had a previous client where the wife had early onset of Parkinson's disease and she just wasn't in the mood for sex. The thing is, you won't know until you ask. And when you do, just listen.
- Look Back: Remember the moments where your lovemaking was really pleasurable. What did you do? Where did you go? What are some of the things you did to make your wife feel special, sexy and loved?
- Take One Step At A Time: First, I would definitely remove any of the electronic devices out of the bedroom. But, keep in mind, if you think you're going to just roll back the clock to your bed-shaking days immediately, you're sadly mistaken.
Hopefully, the next time we talk, you will be able to show me a spreadsheet that has more yes's to sex than no's.