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5 Ways To Put The 'Happy' Back In Your Marriage


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Most couples want to be happy in their marriages, but don't know how! Here are 5 ways to get there.

If you haven't noticed, the "Happy" movement is back. "Happy" by Pharrell Williams has been the #1 song on the Billboard's Top 100 for the past eight weeks, which has put him on the National spotlight as one of the hottest musicians in 2014.

Moreover, there are more than 800 "Happy" videos that have been created in 94 different countries according to one count.  But why hasn't the new Happy movement been a boost for our marriages?

One reason is that our culture dictates that we take care of our self before others. According to Esther Perel, sex therapist and author of Mating in Captivity, millenials have trouble trading in their individualistic culture to build something with another person and when they do it's usually in order to create a strong bond with the children at the expense of the marriage.

Another reason the happy movement hasn't made it into our marriages is because we tend to focus on the smallest percentage of happiness that we can't easily change. Psychologist Kennon Sheldon and coauthor psychologist Sonja Lyubminsky of the University of California stated the circumstances of where we live, how much money we have in the bank and even the quality of our marriages only account for 10 percent of our happiness.  

The remaining 40 percent is within our control, how we think and behave. This indicates that our happiness can be greatly influenced by what we do and if the number is anywhere near correct, simple changes can make a significant difference in our level of happiness.

So, in order to create a Happy movement in our marriages, we should try these 5 subtle changes to make it happen:

  1. Be intentional. Start a journal about the things in your marriage that are happy or the specific events in your marriage that brought you happiness or joy. Write about the specific colors you saw, the foods you ate or the clothes your partner wore. This type of analysis will help you excite the senses in ways that may have been dormant for a long time.
  2. Laugh. I introduced this topic before in my blog 7 Reason Why Laughter Is A Must. Laughter is a great elixir to the Happy marriage movement.
  3. Connect with other couples. There is truly strength in numbers when you have connection with other couples that have similar values. You can share ideas and experiences, which may help overcome the obstacles in your relationship or better yet appreciate what you have in your marriage. Besides, you are going to need a few couples for your video.
  4. Spice up your life with variety. You can boost the Happy marriage movement if you add a little variety or adventure in your marriage. Let's face it, don't you get tired of eating at the same restaurant or doing it in the same position? Each of you should take turns trying to boost your Happy marriage quotient.
  5. Focus on a cause. It's time to focus on others, not just ourselves. When both of you can find a cause that is bigger than yourself; bigger than the challenges in your marriage, it can help bring out the compassion for others, which will ultimately flow to your partner.

These subtle changes can help create a new wave of videos that will show the world that in marriage you can also be Happy!

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