The other day I complimented my friend Tina on her cardigan. It was a long cardigan that you could wear with leggings. The cardigan looked comfortable and stylish, so I said I love your cardigan. She responded saying thanks, my mother in law gave it to me for my birthday.
I said that was nice of her. Tina said, yeah she gave it to me and then said it is perfect because it will cover your butt.
Now my friend already has a complex about her booty, and when her mother in law said that the cardigan is great for her to cover, what I think is her greatest ass-et, she was flabbergasted, hurt, and felt judged.
I won’t lie when Tina revealed what her mother in law said, I was like ouch that sucks! But I also knew what was going on. I asked Tina, does your mother in law have a bigger booty?
Tina said yes actually she does have a bigger behind (I am trying to see how many ways I can say ass in this post). She went on to say how she is somewhat self-conscious about it?
I was like, Tina, that is why she gave you that cardigan and the comment as a gift. It had little to do with you and everything to do with your mother in law.
To Tina’s mother in law it was common place to be totally insecure with her butt, and that is what spilled over onto my friend Tina as a back handed comment. As soon as Tina made the connection something shifted for her. More understanding.
So, that is my greatest guidance for you. When you get a side of sarcasm, or a comment that feels horrible from your mother or mother in law. It has everything to do with them, and nothing to do with you. Remember that.
They will compliment you for the things they compliment themselves on and get down on you for the things they get down on themselves about. So, here is my stance, don’t take it personally because they really don’t mean in it in the way it sounds when it comes out of their mouths.
A little compassion for them in this way will take you the distance. You can even take it up a notch, by complimenting them on those things they get down on themselves about. This would really seal the deal around you getting less poked by them and changing their dialogues about themselves. Win Win!