Q I am in what you call "a dating desert" and it doesn't seem to end.
I don't have any eligible men in my life who I can date. I have learned about so much about relationships in the past two years, but I have no one to share my knowledge with. Even online, I created a profile and came across two profiles for men who seemed interesting. They contacted me and we started to chat but in both times it fizzled away very quickly and we stopped talking.
What is inside me that prevents me from finding interesting men? I tried to release beliefs that there is no one for me in this town and good men are hard to find but still haven't seen any results. To be honest I don't believe my soulmate is living in my hometown but still I can't move out right now and need to practice. HELP.
A First off, let's not make a conclusion when you feel so down. You're not seeing anything clearly when you're discouraged. Of COURSE, you have a soulmate, who could be closer than you know.
A dating desert is just a temporary appearance. Because it's so organic, love could show up any minute. And people doing my work have had it show up in under 10 minutes. So you never know. Good for you to look at your beliefs to see how they are affecting what is or isn't showing up in your life. Your inner belief that is limiting you could be something like:
- "There are no interesting, eligible men in this town."
- "I'm so picky that I'll never find anyone."
- "Online dating doesn't work for me."
Remember none of these are true and your best course of action is to follow these steps:
- Work on these beliefs. Look for evidence to the contrary. I am sure there are happy, married couples in your town to remind you that if someone else found love there, so can you. People come and go in your town all the time and you can always meet someone one town over. Remember all of my stories of love being found in the most unlikely places by seemingly unlikely people? Why would you be left out of this? You wouldn't!
- Do not do anything that gets you down. I wouldn't pursue online dating since it is discouraging you. One of the biggest mistakes people make is using a temporary dating desert, bad results in online dating or anything on the outside as an indication that you don't deserve love. Nothing could be further from the truth.
- You may need to distract yourself for a bit since love is such a hard subject for you. I suggest putting thoughts of love on hold for now, and just do anything that will make you happy. Concentrate on enjoying friendships, enjoying activities that give you pleasure and just getting happy now. It will put you in a better energy for love to come in even when you are not thinking about it.
Kathryn Alice is author of the bestseller Love Will Find You. She has helped thousands of people find love. Find out more about her work at her website: kathrynalice.com.
More Dating advice on YourTango: