If you think family makes a difference, think again.
Home Town Dates on The Bachelor are always a hoot. Take a dating reality show, throw in wacky family (we all have our colorful relative to stir the pot – remember Des's brother?!) and you've got the most entertaining episode of each season. Cap that with exotic overnight dates on St. Lucia, two women heading home, a complete freakout and two episodes of The Bachelor in two days work.
So what can we learn about dating from this weeks Bachelor two-fer?
1. The Person Who Looks Good on Paper is Not Always The One
Who in their right mind wouldn't snap up Renee? Juan Pablo, that's who. She seems perfect and possesses all of the qualities he could want in a woman. Even her child, Ben, had J.P. longing for a son to do boy things with. Renee has it all. And yet, for Juan Pablo, it just wasn't there.
Renee, Renee, Renee! Everyone's best friend, the house mom and shoulder to cry on all rolled into one, your time has come. No rose but now you're free to return to your adorable 8 year-old. As someone who was a single mom for 10 years and has now been married for longer than that, I can tell you that that love is in your future. And not only that, but your future husband will thank his lucky stars daily for the angel that floated down from heaven into his life. Lucky guy!
THE LESSON: A right fit does not a romance make. There's no justifying why you like someone, and what makes an attraction work. It’s the mystery of life, no? So, whilst Juan Pablo didn’t see it happening with Renee, she’ll find her love, who will have that spark with her.
2. Family Does Not Matter
Renee, the gal with the most normal, easygoing family got sent home. Meanwhile, Andi was "panicking inside" over Juan Pablo meeting her family, for good reason. Her dad came out with such gems as "He's an attractive guy with three other girls" and did a countdown of how many other girls were still around at each point when hearing of their journey. He refused to give Juan Pablo any kind of blessing. At one point Juan Pablo remarked, "Juan Pablo, you got a lot of work to do here." How funny!
And yet Juan Pablo kept Andi around for another week. The same is true of Clare, in spite of Laura, her controlling sister. No doubt Laura was just trying to protect Clare from hurt, but at one point, I was scared she was going to lock Clare up (along with the passive mom) for her own good to keep her out of harm’s way. Yikes.
THE LESSON: Everyone has a crazy relative or two. But the relationship is about the two people in it, not the peanut gallery. When the love is there, family can be managed.
3. When Things Get Intimate, Sensitivity Is Critical
Andi's St. Lucia meltdown after the overnight date was epic. I don't know if we've ever seen a gal on camera criticize the lead like that. She accused Juan Pablo of making it all about him, interrupting her with his own stories and not listening to her at all. But the worst sin was bringing up the overnight date he had with Clare and apparently hinting that Andi had barely made the cut.
Andi reacted badly, to say the least. She wanted out, confronted him and left in a huff. Totally understandable. But she played up her victim role a bit too much. She agreed to be there and continue, so she was complicit in giving up her life to stay with him. And she could have taken charge of the conversation more on that date, if it were that one-sided. J.P. had a point when he asked, "Why didn't you tell me?" J.P. may have had a badly insensitive stretch with Andi, but he doesn't seem like an overall callous guy. Anyone who cries every time someone is dismissed can't be a complete oaf.
THE LESSON: As you get closer, you need to be super sensitive to the other person. Don't bring up other dates. Make sure you're not hogging the conversation. And asserting yourself in discussion is essential. If your date is making it all about him, it's important to speak up, change the subject or say that you feel interrupted and unheard.
Well, we're down to the final two. Pretty funny seeing Nikki's and Clare's jaws drop when Chris Harrison broke the news that Andi was gone. Next week is The Women Tell All. That ought to be juicy. Will we extract any dating lessons out of it? Let’s meet here after and discuss.
Kathryn Alice has helped thousands of people date successfully to find the love of their lives. Her $0.99 ebook Finding Forever Love is a great introduction to her love attraction method.
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