Online Dating Blues? How To Avoid Disappointment

When I was little I was told that if I became a Brownie, I'd get to play games, visit zoos and learn to make Oreo cookies. Instead, I had to sing sobering songs around a creepy wooden owl. I was also taught needlepoint. 

This wasn't the first time I thought I had scored only to be sorely disappointed.

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In high school, I was told that if I took band class I'd make friends, meet boys and learn the drums. In truth, I was stuck with a recorder that was shared among the other students. When I wouldn't wrap my mouth on it, I was suspended for being insolent (right … because not wanting to swap communal gob somehow made me the bad guy, ugh!)

When I was first hired in advertising, I (yet again) thought that I had hit utopian good fortune. I believed that I'd travel the world doing big budget TV productions and be satiated by high-end craft services that filled long tables with a cornucopia of beautifully-prepared appetizers for us — the privileged agency people — to feast on all day.

It's true that I've traveled to some wonderful destinations and had great eats thanks to my work. But, I've also spent 18 hours outside, in the winter, on a TV shoot with no electric heaters for coffee, let alone for the crew. In addition, the only food we had was mini Chiclets and fruit Mentos. (It was still fun though!)

So what could this possibly have to do with online dating? It leads me to an important insight and that is: online dating is not as bountiful as it can appear. Yes, there are millions of singles out there. Yes, you could connect with all people the world over. Yes, it's a great way to meet your soulmate. However, keep your expectations realistic.

For one, no matter how wonderful some of those singles are, they won't necessarily be ideal for you. Conversely, you might not be ideal for them. In addition, there are a number of other variables that make those choices limited. For instance, some people might develop a relationship online, but not be interested in taking it offline. Some people might agree to meet and then chicken out. Also, some profiles aren't actually active. That is, some of the members aren't full members and, therefore, can't contact you.

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So, while there are choices online, the choices aren't endless. Be prepared for what could end up being months of emails (sometimes with no reply) and several first dates before you meet the right one.

More importantly, be prepared by never doubting your worth. If you aren't getting the interest you hoped for, recognize that no one is actually rejecting "you". They don't even know you. In addition, they're not rejecting you based on looks either because, until you meet, no one can really get the true you picture. Truthfully, no one looks 100% like their photos. It's impossible to truly judge someone in ID. Moreover, some people are photogenic, some are not.